And by the Grace of Karma & Prayers

the lives of 2 boys changed .... forever





The Diary of Q

The Laudersmith Motto: Healthy,Goofy, In Love

Karen and I have been concerned about Q's belly. It's large and feels really tight/tough. At his 2 yr check-up (Oct 2005) we raised the concern but the feeling was that there no other indicators that anything was wrong as he seemed very healthy and it was likely just baby weight. The stomach seemed to be getting bigger so Karen made an appt to revisit the doctor.

Wed. Mar 8th: Dr. Lisa is concerned with the mass and scheduled x-rays to determine if the distention is possibly gas or a blockage of some sort.

Thurs. Mar 9th: X-Ray is back, shows no blockages etc. The results indicate something more; an ultrasound is scheduled at Alberta Sick Children’s for tomorrow morning.

Fri. Mar 10th: The ultrasound results confirm Wilms tumor, a CT scan is taken immediately and oncologists are called in to talk to Karen and I. The CT scan is completed and shows a volleyball sized tumor that has encompassed the entire right kidney and extends right across the abdomen (accounting for his large belly). The tumor is cancerous and has spread, a spot is identified on his lungs and other smaller tumors noted. Quinn is diagnosed with Stage 4 Wilms Tumor. The tumor is too large to remove without putting his life in danger, so it is determined that the approach will be chemo and radiation therapy over an extended period of time to reduce the tumors and provide an opportunity to operate on it. A biopsy is scheduled for Saturday morning, at the same time a central line is inserted to assist with administering meds, chemo etc. The biopsy will take until Tuesday to come back at which time we will know the level of chemotherapy required and the aggressiveness of the cancer. Q is admitted right away, will be in the hospital for 2-3 weeks and then scheduled for a number of 3-7 day visits over the course of the next 2 months +.

Sat. Mar 11th - No fluids or food from midnight last night until the biopsy today (Q's favourite line has become "juice pls mommy juice") at 2pm. Biopsy is successful, central line is inserted under his skin. He's finding it difficult to sleep (as are Mom & Dad).They give him oxygen as the size of the tumor and the stress of the biopsy etc may make it difficult to breathe. A check-up happens every 4 hours throughout the night. He has his own room in Q Sector (Rm14). Mom will spend the next 2-3 nights at the hospital until Dad can get rid of a cold, then it's his turn to cot it. Aidan is 'in the know' and been great with everything thanks to friends.

Sun. Mar 12th: Quinn is given another 'line' in order to provide him with a blood thinner. There are concerns that given the size of the tumor his blood will start clotting. There is an expectation that under the tumor where it's pressing against veins there may be some clotting already - the blood thinner will hopefully help this and also prevent it from occurring elsewhere.

Mon. Mar 13th : Mom and Q have a good night sleep, 11:00pm to 6:30, Mom doesn't remember the 4 hr checks though they happened, the last few nights she's slept in the same bed as Quinn. The day overall was quite good. Quinn came off of the oxygen, even got 'unhooked' to go for a walk with Dad - brilliant. Doctors come in to tell M&D they'll need to meet tomorrow afternoon as they expect the biopsy results and will want to share 'the plan' and start chemo right away. A social worker comes in to 'prep us'. Mom and Dad are shown how to clean Quinn’s 'lines'. They take the bandages off to do this; Dad's partly amazed and really scared by what he see's under the bandages. Overall a phenomenal visit today for Dad, he's feeling incredibly positive, Mom spends the afternoon getting outside, seeing Aidan and making calls. Tonight will be a long one, we're praying for good news tomorrow.

Tues. Mar 14th: Today Dad & Mom's heart was broken as they had a review of the biopsy report and had to sign consent forms for the chemotherapy which will start tomorrow. All in all the biopsy results confirmed Wilms Tumor and came back with a favorable histology, which means the chemo and radiation is aggressive but certainly beatable (yeah!!). The first round of chemo starts tomorrow and last for 10 weeks, the hopes are that at the end of it there may be enough shrinkage that the tumor will become operable. Surgery would remove the right kidney and much of the tumor and a reassessment can be done on the vena cava (which the tumor currently touches and puts in jeopardy) and the left kidney. The prognosis at this stage looks good. Radiation therapy will have to happen on the abdomen and the lungs (where the cancer has metastasized). Chemo and radiation therapy will last for 6 months, with 6 round of chemo in total (one of 10 weeks and 5 of one week). Dad is already thinking there may be some sort of party around the 12 week stage as the worst of the chemo will have been completed. The chemo side effects sound nasty, but Mom & Dad and Q are ready for the fight. Quinn is in great spirits today, There are now officially two bald men in the Laudersmith family as Quinn got a crew cut in preparation for the first round of chemo (see picture). The consent form almost killed Mom & Dad but they know after 6 months the Laudersmith will be able to say "We've beaten cancer twice" - that's going to be very impressive :o)

Wed. Mar 15th - @ 1:20pm today Quinn was given his first dose of chemo. D & M had always thought that chemotherapy would be administered through a machine. The term chemotherapy stands for "chemical therapy", in our consult with the oncologist they refer to it as toxic and poison, yet these poisons are meant to cure and relieve. Having an understanding doesn't always alleviate the fear, tears and even apprehension. Q was taken for an ECG to get a baseline for the treatment. Another string of doctors were introduced to discuss his high blood pressure, more drugs for that, his poor oxygen intake while lying down (the tumor rests on his diaphragm when sleeping and cuts down his ability to breathe as well as he needs so he takes oxygen at night). It's Dad's first overnighter at the hospital as he proudly proclaims himself as cold-free - Mom was reluctant to give up the overnight responsibilities. It's called motherhood :o) Aidan visited today and cleaned up on 'Q Cluster Bingo' (2 of the wins were on Quinn's cards :o)) Pizza night for parents and family, a great opportunity to talk to volunteers that have been thru this before with their own kids - the messages were extremely hopeful and upbeat. "Learning" surrounds M&D everywhere - they've found a new home for used toys, will start giving blood more frequently and will start to volunteer when Q is healthy again. Doctors talk of platelets, red cell & blood transfusions like others talk about going for coffee. We should expect that one or multiples may be required - 'Holy Crap' is Dad's new favorite term. Today is the first day of recovery.

Thurs.Mar 16th - Tough night for sleeping in Q14 and Quinn hates the oxygen thing in his nose - he let's us know :o) After a long restless night, 2 bald men woke up at 7:15. Dad turned to Q, no 2nd head and no throwing-up (great news) unfortunately though no appetite and no thirst. He'll stay on IV until he can drink, Dad will start drinking right away :o) It's sunny outside and M&D are breathing easier inside, Day 1 behind us and Day 2 is going to be a good one. Friends and prayers are wonderful!

Fri. Mar 17th - Last night the doctors did a test on Q's oxygen intake while he slept, he's had some trouble with it the past couple of nights. The results show that he's not getting enough oxygen at night - when he goes home, he'll have to take some O2 with him. There is talk of sending him home this week-end if he can start eating and drinking more. He's lost 1 kg in a day - the doctors debate how that's possible and decide someone must have taken a bad measurement yesterday (cause today they used 2 seperate scales to be sure). That's how much you lose if all you've been able to eat are 2 fries and 1/2 a granola bar. M&D are a little freaked to be moving out of this safe environment especially when there's so much up in the air. The lessons on how to flush his lines, administer his blood thinner, clean his central line all add to the 'freak-out factor'. Ronald McDonald dropped by to say Hi - Q wouldn’t look him in the eye but was happy to take the treat he left behind. Today he ate a couple of gold chocolate medallions he received from the nurses for St. Pats day and a couple of Timbits, other than that he's not touching anything we'd like him to eat - M&D are concerned and running scared about taking him home but also admit we may never be ready to go it alone. The nurses sit down and tell us all the things to watch for that will (at some point over the next 24 weeks) likely happen; nose bleeds, bruising, shortness of breath, fever, nausea, infection. He's to stay away from public places, people with any sort of bug, high traffic areas etc... Aidan has a kick-ass cold, which means divide and conquer if Quinner comes home this week-end (one boy to one parent). 166 days until Quinn is his old self again and we get treated to prize lines like "Daddy put bum cream on mine lip? Quinner has an owee". Translation: "Dad, can you put some vaseline on my chapped lips - they hurt". Life begins with your first child and continues to flourish with each addition - these 2 boys are the heart of the Laudersmiths. We look at them and know life is truly great but will be even more awesome in 6 months.

Sat. Mar 18th - "Code Burgundy", would ring through the corridors throughout the week, never knew what it meant until I read today’s Cgy Herald - a bed shortage, release patients where you can as beds are needed. Apparently it's the first Code Burgundy at the Children’s Hospital since it was implemented. It's all making sense now :o) Today, Quinn came home, 2 helium balloons, several stuffed animals an oxygen machine for sleeping, a bag full of needles and a handful of prescriptions for injection - Karen's second career may be as a nurse, she'll be a pro when this is all done. Dad's off the hook as he was at home with Aidan when the training was done. 4-5 pounds lighter, droopy eyes and a leg that drags a bit when he's tired, he has a couple of bruises that are bigger than they should be for the tiny needle they used - chemo is kicking in. Dog ass tired of everything that's going on, he gave little grief going to sleep tonight, didn't even put up much of a fight when we put on the oxygen tubes - at the airport people pay big bucks for that!! Good Night sweetheart.

Sun. Mar 19th - First night at home came and went without incident, Q & Mom in one room, Dad & Aidan in the master bedroom. Q woke up after a great sleep, but started the day with his droopy eyes. We’re scheduled to spend the morning at the hospital doing blood work and a check-up. The blood work shows all counts are down, that was expected as the chemo fights the tumors, the good and bad cells and Q's cold. We're scheduled for another morning at the hospital tomorrow, new blood work and another check-up. Q slept this afternoon; this is all making him tired quicker than normal. He's definitely his father’s son - he fights sleep with all his might but eventually succumbs to exhaustion. M&D have to wear gloves to change his diapers due to the chemo waste from the body; it freaks Q out a bit. Sleep aside he seems like his normal wonderful, smiling self, some days it's hard to believe he's sick - you store those days in your mind to get you through the others.

Mon Mar 20 - Great things happen in three - or so it goes. That's why M&D were hoping for good news at the Monday check-up. 2 consecutive Tim Horton Cups telling us we were winners (coffee) surely meant something :o) Now if we could make it to the hospital without another coffee. Q had a tougher night and woke up with a bleeding nose that, with the blood thinner, can be a problem. The 10:00 appointment with the doctor would require more blood work (they wouldn't accept the 2 pillows, bed covers and face cloths) and a physical exam. M&D had thought that the tumor looked smaller but a previous doctor said that it was unlikely to occur so quickly. The physical exam brought some great news - the chemo was indeed attacking the primary tumor and it was starting to shrink. The absolute best news we've had so far!! The chemo scheduled for Wednesday of this week has been moved up to tomorrow so that for the following weeks we can get on a Monday schedule (the same schedule as our primary oncologist). Tomorrow’s chemo will be 5 hours at the hospital but, at the end of it, we'll be bringing him home again. He seems sooooo much better when he's at home, can walk around freely, eat on his schedule and go to bed without waking up every 4 hours (unless he wants to, and he wants to these days). The chemo has changed Q's taste buds - drinks and foods he used to like he now refers to as "spicy" (where does he learn these words) ... somehow Timbits, chocolate and frosted flakes still make the cut - go figure :o) At the house we're breaking all the rules around TV, food and treats. The doctors have told us that whatever he's open to still eating we should make sure we have plenty of ... no matter what it is. Aidan is in love with the new rules.... we'll fix it all in 6 months.

Tues Mar 21st - Today was a tough day for a number of reasons. Series 1 - Round 2 of chemo, plus an encephalon change (where we inject the blood thinner) from Q's left arm into his right. The right arm still has a huge greenish blue bruise from having it in there last week. The nurse finds an 'open' spot for it and sticks the long needle just under his skin, Q screams. Anybody whose heard Q scream will tell you, the longer the silence before the scream (oxygen intake) the louder the screams going to be. Today the silence before the scream was deafening, the scream itself will keep Dad up nights. The encephalon went in, then when the nurse went to tape it down the tape pulled it out - Dad's heart breaks again, Q can't take much more of this. The chemotherapy today adds more Vincristine to Q's bloodstream, his CBC (complete blood count) is good, all things considered, though they're expected to drop substantially on Fri/Sat (10 days after the first chemo). He'll get weaker before he gets stronger but M&D remember thru it all - the tumor is shrinking. Q never fully bounced back from being poked twice, he did however get to go into the 'pokebox' for each time he was stuck (in oncology kids get to go into a treatbox know as the pokebox for each 'poke' they receive) - for adults the pokebox is called a liquor store, at the end of the day M&D toast Q's health with a glass of chardonnay, breath deep and thank God for the outpouring of support from friends - some days you need it more than others, M&D know that the worst is yet to come but, have I mentioned this yet :o), the tumor is shrinking.

Wed Mar 22nd - Today I watched Quinn from afar - what an amazing little guy. When he's happy (which is most of the time) he's so much fun with an absolutely contagious smile, when he's 'off' he shows classic signs of a redhead temper. Karen was on the receiving end of the latter - two bites to prove it :o) I keep telling her she has to be faster to react to the eyes (the window to the mind and the soul); I believe she'll be working on that. Otherwise, an absolutely inspiring day from the wee guy. Yesterday we got a call from the day home, Aidan has a cold and wasn't playing with anyone there - he was afraid he would "infect" the others as he did Quinn (Oh my god the power of the imagination and observation), we brought him home and shared with him that he had absolutely nothing to do with Q's sickness and that he and Dad need to be careful of Q while they have a cold because his body can't fight it as well as ours, but when he's healthy we really need his help :o) Parenting with our eyes open is the key to learning the lessons that are right before us. Aidan continues to be the most amazing teacher; the true magic is in the way the lessons are presented. We live a life of daily wonders, if we can catch most of them we're ahead of the game.

Thurs Mar 23rd - Nobody has told Quinn that he's sick and he hasn't picked up on the decreasing weight, the thin tube coming out of his chest and the occasional tears of his parents. Or perhaps he is completely 'in the know' and is working the hardest of all of us in keeping our chins up and fighting the good fight. Today he was our happy little redhead (his hair is growing back fast, Dad is envious), the most generous child one could ever meet, if he has only one 'jelly belly' he offers it to you first - where does that 'others first' attitude come from (how can I capture it in a bottle and share it with others?), unbelievable. In Q's world this as an awesome day, lots of attention from Mom & Dad, an afternoon nap that Hypnos would be envious of and the ability to watch whatever DBD (as he calls them) he wants. M&D thought his stomach looked somewhat larger and harder again, but what do we know we're still expecting the Calgary Flames to go all the way. The thought of the former makes us short of breath; the thought of the latter is simply daft. Hope, Faith and Love abound in this household. Our motto? Healthy, Goofy & In Love ... we're sitting at 2 out of 3 ... for now.

Fri Mar 24th - All in all today was a really good day for Q. His weight loss is a concern but his sleeps are hearty and his appetite seems good. His colour and his energy all seem good. M&D will keep an eye on his weight and his tummy. His weight is 31.5 lbs, down 8 lbs in 2 weeks. The circumference of his stomach is 53 cm, these numbers will provide us with a base line going forward. The week-end will be spent trying to get some fresh air for Q, perhaps playing in the back-yard a little bit if the weather permits. According to the documentation from the hospital this Friday to Sunday are 'risk days', if his cell counts are going to drop as a result of the first chemo, it will likely happen in the next couple of days. There are no signs that this is going to happen (Dad says optimistically). The next chemo session is on Monday, we have 2 days to enjoy our current version of 'normalcy' and then a dose of 'tumor be gone' on Monday. We're looking forward to a great week-end, on all fronts.

Mon, March 27th - Q isn't allowed out in 'public places' because of the germs but is able to be in small groups (dinner out, a couple of friends in) provided nobody has a cold/sniffles etc. Mom's sister and family stopped in on their way to Montana - goofiness was rampant (see pictures of Q in glasses above). There are moments 'in play' where you forget what's happening, the distractions charge your batteries when you're not paying attention. M & D had a day where neither of them shed a tear (even in private) except in laughter. For many that may sound odd, I pray that you can always feel that way :o). Q had his 3rd round (of 10 in the first cycle) of chemo today. He also had his encephalon changed (on the upside that means a trip to the poke box).Dad had heard that cancer patients some times get marijuana, he inquires when that might happen, the doctor informs him it's for the patients not the parents - Dad's eyes tear up once again :o) Just kidding ... (Dad's Mum is reading this).Dad pictures his 2 1/2 yr old with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and hasn't slept since.

Tues, March 28th - Q is slowly gaining weight again (up 2 lbs in 3 days), but M&D still can't see it in his face. Measurements of his stomach haven't changed since last week but he's got an improving appetite (for treats and TV). On the advice of a friend, Mom bribes Q before each 8am and 8pm injection and pretends to give them to Dad as well - Dad's Academy award is a box of smarties that he has to sneak from the pantry. Baths (for Q, not Dad) include the use of a 1/2 mile of cellophane to protect the broviac in his chest and the encephalon in his arm (FYI - Costco sells cellophane in 'marathon size' boxes.).M&D are amazed at Q's continued strength. His laughter is carefree, and clearly wasn't identified as one of the side effects of chemo :o), M&D are thrilled that Q can't read - he doesn't know otherwise.

Wed, March 29th - A restless, somewhat sleepless, night for Q (and therefore Dad). M&D haven't slept in the same room for over 2 weeks now - advantage Aidan (who sometimes gets to sleep in the Master bedroom with whomever is not sleeping in Quinn’s room).Q is getting pretty comfortable with the routine. We’re trying to spend more and more time outside with him to get him some fresh air. Mom notices that Q's breath has a metallic type odour, one of the few side effects that seem to be present on this day. Dad measures his stomach, no change since the last measurement - he measures Quinn's as well :o) with the same result. At bedtime M goes to put the oxygen in Quinn's nostrils -he has a finger in each and proceeds to tell her there's no more room (he hates the oxygen) :o) Laughter really is the best medicine - perhaps for all involved.

Thurs, March 30th - Tonight Dad put Q to bed, no oxygen, read 2 Sandra Boynton books and then turned out the lights. Dad’s single mattress on the floor is up beside Q's sports car bed. Dad, are you scared? Quinn asked. 'No hon, I'm not scared. Are you?" he responded. I'm scared just a little bit, maybe you are scared a little bit too? '"Maybe, just a little bit hon, but when I'm beside you I feel better." Me too Dad. Dad hold Quinn’s hand? "Only if you kiss me first bud and I can blow on your belly" Naw, just my hand Dad...OK, and a kiss. No blow on Quinn’s belly Dad :o) A perfect end to a great day (all things considered). No weight gain but no belly gain either - just laughter, belly blows, fake wrestling, a walk outside, lots of 'Baby Einstein' and prayers. Oh ya, Day 15 was also a no Tim-Bits day :o)

Sat.April 1st - This morning M&D woke up waiting for someone to say 'April Fools - Gotcha !!' - it didn't happen. A meeting with a parent who has been through this added to a series of sobering moments that seem to come at a pace that they can't catch up with. Hope is a wonderful thing but can be so devastating when it loses to reality. Though no 2 cases are the same M&D walked from the meeting knowing that what they're experiencing now with Quinn (good energy, joyous laughter and horse-play) would indeed be ending in the not too distant future. The trip home from the meeting was a quiet one, tears were shed but there was enormous comfort in hearing and seeing pictures of this 12 year old cancer survivor with a smile that would light up a room. After the 6 months of chemo it's going to take a while (almost another 6 months) for the spirit and energy of this little guy to fully come through this adult experience -but ... he will. We'll all be stronger as a result of this and there will be stories told of battles won on fields in and out of our home. On the 'amazing' end of todays meeting, this extraordinary family who survived this with their daughter is stronger, a huge force in fund raising for cancer, closer now then even before and all, in one way or another, survivors. Character is built (and Cancer is beaten) through experience, perseverence, love and faith ... it's our character that allows us to know that there is a positive intention in all of this. Today we noticed that small areas of Q's head are only coming back with wisps of hair - Dad oils up the clippers, while in the background Q tells Mom "you're bugging me mum" (as she changes his diaper :o)). Wow, life is beautiful ..... something M&D will share with both of the boys over and over again, including the time they're caught in the backyard trying cigarettes for the first (and hopefully last ) time. :o) Gotta go, Q's having a poop (the diaper was fresh for all of 2 minutes) it's good to know that, even through this, some things still remain the same.

Mon. April 3rd - Q must have know that today was going to be different from the rest. He woke up looking pale and still unsure of his own feet. For 2 minutes he looked at the 5" step down from the kitchen to the family room before asking for his fathers help. Today is the 4th round of chemo in Phase 1 and it was going to be a doozy, more Vinchristine with a side of Doxirubicin. The morning would start early and last until 2:30 pm before it was done, but the oncologist once again confirmed that the tumor is retracting. The plan is still to wait until week 10 and do a complete work-up to see if it's operable. What do you mean ? says Dad, "if it's shrinking what would prevent us (as if Dad is doing the surgery) from removing it ?" The doctor responds that the tumour has encased a number of organs and they will need to determine whether it's gone into the organ and become a part of it. They will be able to make that determination by doing a CT scan. Overall it appears that this 'voodoo magic' (chemotherapy) is working well - 6 more weeks until we know for sure it's operable - It will be, M&D are sure of it ;o). It's a bit of a double-edged sword because, once removed, radiation therapy will start on the abdomen, in parallel to the next phases of chemo. Additional news is delivered around having to irradiate the chest where the tumor appears to have metastasized. A decision has been made NOT to irradiate the chest (yes !!) but instead to see what chemo has done to the spot there and keep an eye on it. Two trips to the pokebox (removal and reinsertion of the encephalon) and french fries on the way home have Quinner in full recovery from a long trip to the hospital. Dad is sure that the chemicals in the fries may help the progress in some way :o) Dad lies with Q when he gets home to try and get him to sleep; he fakes him out with some light snoring and deep breathing and Q quickly adds to the noise. Q lets out some gas - there's definitely something working in there. Dad humors himself by taking that as "a sign".

Wed. April 6th - Yesterday there were some new signs that the chemo is affecting Q – in the morning he experienced some slight tremors in his right hand (kind of like a nerve spasm.) Today he wakes up a little grumpy. Ever seen a red-head mad? Look out!! He’s trying to figure out why his footwork seems a touch less certain and is looking for someone to blame :o) Q’s hair is a touch thinner but the difference is barely discernable given how short he’s keeping it these days :o). D&M are firm believers of the power of a good sleep (though they’ve not experienced it in a month) and have to out wait (and outwit) Q for him to fall asleep this afternoon. The rest does him well as he wakes up more sure of himself and ready for the evening. Tonight Q will be ‘hooked up’ to an oxygen monitor to reassess his o2 intake – M&D are certain that they’ll be returning the testing equipment along with the oxygen machine tomorrow ( gladly !!). Today M&D looked thru some photos taken the week before diagnosis; compared to today the difference is significant. Size does matter, don’t let anybody tell you any different. !!

Fri. April 8th - Every 7 days Q’s broviac ‘dressing’ needs changing. To protect the site where the line exits from his chest and to keep it safe from a tug or a snag the line needs to be affixed to his chest using a tegaderm dressing (a 4” x 4” window that enables viewing of the exit site and protects it from bacteria/infection). Under the dressing the line is secured to Q’s body using special adhesive tape, the ‘window’ is put on and then itself is secured with more adhesive. The most terrifying part of the week for M&D is when it comes to changing the dressing, every 7 days. This past weeks experience has haunted Dad for nights. With Dad holding Q’s arms down at his side and gently lying across his legs to ensure he doesn’t move Mom goes thru the painful removal of the adhesive, a process that lasts for 3 minutes but feels like an hour. Q starts with a ‘what’s going on’ cry that gains momentum to a series of chilling screams. Directly looking into Mom’s eyes and then Dad’s – Q screams with an intensity that lifts Q’s head off of the pillow to ensure they’re getting the full effect, a scream of betrayal so fuelled that the amount of oxygen needed to support it requires him to take in a breath that takes so long his lips turn blue. On the second such scream Q’s brother walks into the room to see and hear something he’ll likely never understand – his parents holding down his brother and causing him, what looks to be deliberate and significant pain. They say people rarely consciously remember events that took place before the age of 3 or 4; M&D pray that’s true. Q is 2 ½, Aidan is 4 … M&D aren’t so lucky, caught between the age of remembering everything and remembering little, M&D are 36 & 42. This weeks learning is about sleep - it’s not in fact about quantity, but about quality (something M&D have been having difficulty with at least every 7 days and likely for some time thereafter). Memories can be both our friend and our enemy. In this particular instance it’s the vision of the ‘end state’ that powers us to look past the terrified look in his eyes. Within 30 minutes, a ‘get out of jail’ card is offered … Daddy, play with me? Smarties please Mummy. All is forgiven until the next bath, 8am/8pm shot, trip to chemo or broviac change. Ah yes, the delight of play and the power of the Smartie. Thank God for Smarties !! :o)

Mon. April 11th – Today begins week 5 of the 10 week Phase 1. Q woke up in the middle of the night so Dad went in to lie down with him. Some times it’s hard to say whether M&D are lying down with Q for him or for them. The diaper changes these days scare M&D (or as the boys would say ‘freak them out’) as the wet diapers absolutely reek of chemical influence leaving no trace smells of pee at all - talk about toxic waste :o). Dad is certain that if he dried them he could sell them as ‘Fireballs’- the fire starter for wood burning fireplaces, that guarantees a rainbow of colors. Any takers? The ACH visit today included an extra little poke (‘cause kids really really like that) to draw blood and test the impact of the blood thinner. The respiratory unit gave us the thumbs up to get rid of the oxygen all together – Yeah !! When all was said and done Q was awesome at the hospital but ready to pinch anybody who came too close to him in the afternoon. Problems with the encephalon may mean that it will need to be changed every 5 days instead of every 7 days – a determination will be made next week. Everybody survived the weekend, everyone was able to spend some time outdoors, a walk to second cup to honor grand-Dad (his favorite place when he’s visiting) and Saturday afternoon at the zoo. It’s interesting, when adults don’t know Q’s situation they look at his closely shaved head and then shoot M&D that ‘incompetent parent or how could you’ look, at best their response is a questioning look. There were some more mature zoo-goers that just looked and smiled … oh wait, those were other kids :o) Have you ever noticed that it’s the little ones that have the biggest hearts and share the most?

Wed. April 13th – Today Q, Mum & Aidan went to a public theater to enjoy the latest ‘Ice Age’ movie, have a laugh and spend time together in a safe environment. On this particular occasion the theater was open exclusively for immune compromised children and their families – an environment that was truly safe, 20 people that include words like ‘broviac, encephalon and CBC’ as part of their normal vernacular, a group of people that collectively have more Purell hand sanitizer in their home at this moment than Costco has on their shelves. :o) A ‘bring your own snack’ event that will be remembered by every child there who looked around and saw that they truly were special in all of the ‘right’ ways. Though this last round of chemo has left Q a little more tired each day, and these types of afternoon outings drain him, he continues to provide M&D with the daily highlight reel and demonstrate an energy beyond everyone’s expectation. His favorite way of sharing his energy is dancing with his mother – “Mum dance with Quinn?” he asks (knowing that M has never turned down a dance with a good looking bald guy - hahaha). After a number of twirls he turns and taunts Dad … “Daddy, look - Quinns dancing with your honey” (knowing that this would solicit a feigned look of shock and envy) … Dad doesn’t let it bother him - he knows that she’s going home with HIM at the end of the night ;o)

Fri. April 15th – Q has spent the last 2 days smiling, laughing, closing out Week 5 of chemo with a contagious, carefree attitude that flies in the face of … being sick. Way to go Q!! This truly has been a Good Friday :o) Small signs of the power of the chemicals creep in through the back door from time to time and catch him off-guard, whether it’s the occasional pallor of his skin or the drooping eyes, Q manages to win, one battle at a time. Dad struggles with his inability to make this go away (therapists would call it a control issue … but what the hell do they know ;o) heh,heh) and Mom continues to deal with it through busy work, and an acute emotional awareness of herself and of the boys (where they are, what they’re doing, how they’re feeling). It’s the Laudersmith version of ‘Sense and Sensibilities’ :o). Dad goes back to work and signs up for the Bell Walk for Kids Help Phone (feel free to sponsor Dad & Aidan by clicking on the link at the bottom of the diary) :o)) with the hope that he can satisfy his need to contribute, to help, to make a difference. In silent corners, out of sight and with varied frequency each of them give themselves permission to meltdown … never in front of the kids, often accompanied by only a box of smarties, a glass of wine or a prayer.Quinn continues to show them the way…

Mon. April 18th – Today marks the completion of Week 5 (of 24), the halfway mark of the most aggressive phase of chemo. The difference between Week 1 & Week 5 is visually stunning; the tumor itself is not visible from the outside, a volleyball reduced to a stone. Five weeks from now M&D will find out whether it’s operable and the next important milestone will be reached. The ‘Vinchristine’ continues to play with Q’s eyes which seem a touch droopy most of the day. He’s running at about 80% energy which means that M&D are now only 2 steps behind him :o) and yet he’s still got enough energy to wrestle Dad. “Dad, play wrestle game? For some bizarre reason he opens the basement door and pretends to be getting something from someone there; whatever it is he shares it with Dad and they both pretend to eat it. He shows D his muscles, “You want some of this Dad?” he asks and then takes a run at him, arms straight out and aimed at D’s chest. Q will never be a WWF Superstar (Amen), ‘cause every time he attacks Dad he makes sure to stop and see if he’s OK, sure to kiss any owwie incurred during the assault (Dad makes sure there’s ALWAYS an owwie ;o)). Quinn loves wrestling, Dad does too - both walk away feeling like they've won - a magical moment in parenting.

Wed. April 19th – Quinn and Aidan are the first generation Laudersmith. 8 Years ago yesterday Karen Lauder married Allan Smith, before having children they would bring their names together and create the name ‘Laudersmith’ . Quinn and Aidan are the first true Laudersmith’s , each of them defining what the name would stand for in years to come, each contributing something different to the name. Q&A are creating the personality of the name. Most nights before bed Q asks Dad or Mom to sing him songs, everything from ‘GoodNight Sweetheart’ to… are you ready … ‘Playground in my Mind’ (that’s right, the ‘My name is Michael, I’ve got a nickel’ song changed to ‘My name is Quinner, I am a winner, I am a winner trusted and true …:o)) – it’s funny what songs resonate for these 2 mini-crooners. Each of the boys has their own song M&D made up for them when they were younger … most nights one of the songs Q asks for is the Quinner Song ……

Quinn Allan Laudersmith, that’s the name for me, Quinn means intelligent and wise (that’s what you’ll see). Allan is my Daddy’s name that he passed on to me, Quinn Allan Laudersmith, that’s the name for me.

Aidan is my brother, he preceded me, by about 19 months he’s older than me. But if you take a real close look it’s not that hard to see, that Quinn Allan Laudersmith’s the redhead in the family :o)

Another favourite are the changes to Frere Jacques – “Are you sleeping, Are you sleeping, Quinn Allan, Quinn Allan, Time to close your eyes son, Time to close your eyes son, Dad Loves you, Mom does too.

Q&A are both big singers, filling the home with an eclectic mix that can include everything from humming Beethoven & Brahm (Thanks to Baby Einstein DVD’s) to the Wiggles and Guess Who (No Sugar Tonight :). You can gauge the spirit and energy of the Laudersmith home by the volume and the tunes chosen. In 5 weeks a lot has changed - Q has lost his weight, his hair and his balance. But, even through this, there are numerous signs that all will be well, the sound of music fills the air (look out Rankins the Laudersmith’s are coming). Of all of the sounds to hear, the most beautiful is the uncontrolled giggle of the tickle. 6 weeks into 27 and the beat goes on….

Fri. April 21st – Good Day, Good Day, Good Day, Bad Day – that’s been the cycle over the past 5 weeks. That cycle changed the latter part of this week to variations within the days themselves – 2 or 3 high energy hours and then a need to ‘crash’. The chemo continues to build in Q’s system, his eyes seem to be getting heavier and his energy wanes throughout the day. Giggle, Eat, Laughter, Eat, Run & Play, Eat … Sleep ( let’s just say his appetite for ‘treats’, peanuts, carrots, cookies, continues to be strong). Every day provides several ‘kids say the darndest things’ moments. Granny Lauder has been visiting for the past 2 weeks, M&D left her alone to figure out Q’s quirky phrasing (a little game that M&D play with visitors :o) ). When Q doesn’t want something or doesn’t want you to do something he starts the sentence with NO and then adamantly demands the object or action. ”NO, I WANT mine blanket !! “, inevitably whoever it is picks up the blanket he just threw down and kindly gives it back to him, which really frustrates him so he declares, even more loudly, “NO, Quinn WANT mine blanket !!”. It’s like a “Saturday Night Live Skit” that never fails to entertain M&D. Eventually every guest, will look to the grinning mugs of M&D for any guidance they can offer.’ Try NOT giving it to him’ they suggest. Then it happens, the skies open up and the ‘Archangel A-HA’ descends and spreads his light of ‘unlikely logic’ to give clarity where confusion once existed. Kids are little ‘wizards of enlightenment’, unlike adults they don’t know that often people judge you by what you say and do – this lack of understanding allows them to be completely uninhibited and carefree in their actions and their voice. This gift is often the catalyst to great knowledge, innocent insights and provides great ‘Quotables’. Every situation, no matter how seemingly difficult, provides an opportunity – finding it is the challenge. Over the past month M&D have had the opportunity to spend more time with the boys, focus on only the positive, experience the power of prayer, work more effectively as a 'parent team', learn what rules are worth breaking (smarties as an injection reward :o)) and push themselves to new levels. The rewards of these opportunities are significant, changing the dynamics and interactions within and outside of the family. The focus on 'intentional living' (instead of 'simply being') can change the direction of actions, conversations, thoughts. Purpose, participation and passion will be interwoven into the fabric of this family – a fabric that will be held together with stitches of love and positive intention.

Mon. April 24th – The week-end was another good one. Q got to play in the backyard and take in some good sun. His exposure to the sun has to be limited to short periods of time but it tends to bring smiles to all involved and create a sense of normalcy to everyone. Dad shaved his head completely (to the bone) in support of Q (and because Aidan broke the attachment for the shears – likely a sign from God [dad thinks]). Now when D&Q lie down together they look like a pair of butt cheeks if you see them from the top down :o) Nobody expected there to be a difference to Dad’s look but there really is – who ever said it couldn’t get worse for him was wrong :o) Saturday night was a bit of a scary one, Q had been picking at his ‘dressing’ and through the night it came off. M&D had to do an unscheduled dressing change in the wee hours of the morning, it almost killed all 3 of them (and woke up Aidan) as the whole area was tender and red. Instead of using the sterile swabs the hospital suggested using Iodine; perhaps they should have consulted Quinn first as he had some choice words/screams for them that unfortunately would have to go through M&D. Today represents the start of week 7 of Chemo. His complete blood counts were good (which means YES to chemo, NO to transfusions). It was a whopper visit to the hospital with him getting not just his usual (Vinchristine), but also and added dose of Actinomyacin (which he hasn’t received since Week 1) with a healthy chaser of Nausea medicine. Additionally, the hospital would change the dressing again and recommend a 2-day cycle of dressing changes using Primapore (a gauze type dressing) instead of the weekly Tegaderm. Bad news for M&D as the dressing change continues to be the worst part of the regiment. There will now be a whole lot more of paper/scissors/stones played in the house (to determine who holds him down and who replaces the dressings) though there really are no winners in the game, it’s actually Q who decides who gets the wrath of his anger … sometimes scissors, sometimes stones :o)). M&D discuss doing the dressing changes during Calgary Flames games, and only do it when the Flames score, thinking that perhaps the scream can be taken as support (for the Flames) instead of anger (towards the parents) :o) There hasn’t been enough scoring in the playoffs by the Flames to make this truly a viable option … :o)

Wed. April 26th – This past round of double chemo has taken a more significant toll on Q’s balance and eyes than any of the previous ones. On Monday and Tuesday he walked around a bit more cautiously and somewhat as though he’d been hitting the sauce :o) His spirit continues to be unaffected by the drugs. Today M&D had to do a dressing change, Dad did the change and Mom deployed the ever so popular ‘distraction’ maneuver, featuring song, books, jokes and goofy faces – all in all everyone survived the change, no bites, no scratches, no guff. M is taking full advantage of the great weather by getting the boys outside to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. Aidan has picked up a cold and is on a double dose of OJ, Vitamin C, sunshine and rest. On Friday there’s an opportunity for the family to join the kids from Jamie’s pre-school (for immune compromised kids) on a trip to Kananaskis, where they’ll have a BBQ, race rubber ducks down the river, tour the RCMP depot and visit the local fire department. Aidan’s participation is subject to him being ‘cold-free’, the clock is ticking. Q has made it clear; he’s going with or without the rest of the clan …. ah yes, the redhead continues to rule the roost.

Sat. April 29th – Dad is a lazy sod and didn't get to update the site on Friday. He took a vacation day to go to the mountains with the 'fam', unfortunately Aidan still had his cold so he & Dad were grounded while Mum & Q went to Kananaskis 'Jamies Presechool'. While there M met another parent who's son (6 or 7 yrs old) was diagnosed a week before Q with Wilms Tumor Stage 3.These 'special' outings are a great venue to meet other sleep deprived parents with kids that are being forced to grow up way to quickly due to cancer. Q got to ride in the fire truck and spent some time in the Kananaskis jail (a sight that is certain to keep M up in the future :o)). Q seems to have moved to a different stage of chemo and is wobbly on his feet much more frequent than before. It's tough for M&D to be at his side for every tumble or adjustment (it happens about once an hour) and as a result his noggin' already has a couple of bumps. These usually occur, not from stumbling or tripping but instead, from getting up from a sitting position or bending over to pick something up. Thank the lord that it's the Smith part of Laudersmith that gave him a hard head - Dad's parents were always telling him that he was hardheaded :o) Q's eyes are, well .... a touch wonky (think 4 beers on top of being exhausted, one wink from falling asleep standing up). M&D expect that the next 21 weeks (remainder of the chemo) could be tricky - they've decided to buy a 'bouncy castle' and move the family into it until this whole experience is behind them :o) As parents, (Catholic ones at that) every bump, bruise or scratch on the kids comes with guilt .... is there a better answer than an inflatable bouncy castle ? If yes, feel free to use the "Contact Us" button below :o)

Mon. May 1st – After an adventurous week-end which had Q watching his brother's very first soccer game ever, Monday always brings with it a chemo treatment (a trend we're looking forward to ending in Sept.). Q woke up with a huge smile today and when Dad told him it was chemo day his response was simple "Quinn go to the poke box Daddy ?". Already focussing on the positive, gotta love it - there's an upside to everything if you look close enough :o) Dad has a knack for 'shooting from the hip' and asking folks the direct questions, occasionally a negative but more often than not a positive. Dr. Smiers, under interrogation :o) shared the following information. Radiation therapy will likely start in about 4 weeks, and be ongoing until the end of treatment (mid- September), Quinn will go into the Tom Baker Cancer Center, be put under (no not hypnosis:o)) and then receive the radiation treatment, typically the time under radiation is short (5-10 mins). D&M won't know how long the individual sessions will be until Q completes his tests at the end of Phase 1 of Chemo. The CT Scan, ultrasound and X-rays have been pushed out by a week (Tuesday, May 23), at that time M&D will also know whether it's operable (in May). May is going to be a remarkable month. That's the term Dr. Smiers used while feeling for the tumor today. To quote fully..."It's remarkable, I can't even feel it". Remarkable - what a magnificent word !!

Wed. May 3rd – Q has got protection !! M&D continue to be on high alert when Q is running or occasionally stumbling around the house. It's difficult to keep a good man down and this boy loves to move, and fast !! Beyond the watchfrul eyes of M&D Quinn is covered by some equally fast eyes and feet - Aidan. AJ (Aidan James) has put both parents 'on notice' that he has Q's back covered. Yesterday at Jamies preschool Karen was ejected from the premises by Aidan who informed her that he will 'take care of Quinn' and that she 'can go'. There are signs that Aidan is starting to enjoy this new role, of course there are exceptions ... when Q wants Baby Einstein on TV and Aidan wants Scooby Doo, when Q wants to play with something that Aidan wants as well (in a foot race to the spotted toy it's a dead heat). Q's eyes are whacked but his humor, his gentleness and his scream (when we don't listen) are fully intact :o) The daily injections happen without incident now (the magic of bribery and distraction) and even the change of the Broviac dressing (every 2 days) is starting to become incident free (though the tears still flow the dagger like looks are gone and the teeth aren't shown :o)) It's great to see full understanding in the household around the importance of keeping Q safe. Aidan doesn't know it, but his 'Big Brother' moments benefit him as well, M&D are starting to relax and continue to strive to live the words of Bobby Ferrin 'Don't Worry, Be Happy'. Oh crap, gotta go, Aidan has Quinn in a choke hold ...just kidding ;o)

Sat. May 6th – Seeing is believing. Today Q's grandparents arrived from Toronto. Grandad got on the plane knowing that there would be a surprise waiting for him on the other end, part excited, part scared and part not knowing what to expect. People that know what Q has been through are usually pleasantly surprised by his energy and that chemo hasn't taken away his brilliant smile and his sense of humor. Two months of chemo have clearly changed the way he looks, but so has 2 months of growing up. His weight is only 4 lbs off what it was at the beginning of March but his look has changed signficantly. He's tall, slim, and already the height that his brother was when A hit 3 (Q is 4 months away from 3).His droopy eyes and his occasional imbalance tell the story of chemo, needles, biopsy and a tough couple of months but his demeanor tells a much more powerful story of focussing on all that works (a new routine, mum at home, fun at home, great weather, the ability to be the boss when he wants to ... :o)). There is no emotional cancer baggage when you're 2 1/2 , no nights spent wondering how this will turn out, no 'Why me?', no 'Can I do this?'. Q is teaching his M&D and all that see him that every day holds something great, something new, something to learn, something to gain and a chance to celebrate ... something, anything, everything. Grandmum and Grandad are witnessing how this experience isn't slowing the house down but instead giving strength to the house. In 2 weeks they will go home with a greater calm around the experience and the knowledge that every day celebrates recovery.

Mon. May 8th – "I spy with mine little eye ... a truck" :o) Q still hasn't caught on to the rules of "I Spy". Similarly his games of 'Hide & Seek' are really more ... "I'll show you where I want you to hide, then I'll pretend I don't see you, until I'm ready to find you, and then everybody will be REALLY surprised ". Clearly the latter is too long a name for a game so everyone pretends it's 'Hide & Seek' and continues to demonstrate unbridled astonishment when Q finds them, where he placed them. Some times there are great advantages in not knowing 'the rules' , you can't be accused of breaking them and your only boundaries are between your ears. On occasion, others who DO know the rules get a glimpse that there really is a better way to the play the game than what they've come to believe. A more protective, safe and possibly adventurous way that all can enjoy. Out of the balding head of this rambunctious 2 1/2 year old the game is being redefined daily for M&D who have had the privilege of sharing his space. In his space, jelly bellies ARE good for you, afternoon naps AREN'T mandatory, Winnie the Pooh IS a better actor than Tom Hanks and occasionally pooping in your pants IS OK :o) Except for the latter M&D are adapting to a new way of thinking. Also in Q's thinking there's another rule change : Cancer does NOT have to rule your life or depress you and those around you, instead it CAN be a catalyst for maturation, revelation and inspiration. "I spy with mine little eye ... a family that is celebrating a new perspective". When the rules change, the game can take on a whole new direction and the outcomes can be spectacular. Surprise yourself by changing the rules and seeing what develops ...

Thurs. May 11th – How many times can you fall in love ? How often can you really feel that 'what would I do without you' feeling ? Every day M&D fall hopelessly in love with 2 little guys that charm, laugh, teach and speak without a care in the world of how it comes out, what people think, how it might look - careless abandon typically only reserved for children (and those under the influence of lots of alcohol :o)). There's an attractiveness in the innocence of kids, speaking and acting with no fear of judgment, loving with no expectations, giving with no strings attached; naturally, openly, freely (and sometimes painfully) honest. Parenting is the most incredible job in the world, (though the pay really sucks :o)) the benefits are plentiful and the stock purchase plan is phenomenal - the more you put into it the greater the return, nothing can come close to the ROI. Today Q told Dad, completely unsolicited, "I Love You", and later Q called him at work (with M's help) to proudly share ... 'I pooped in the potty Daddy !!' :o). Twice today (coincidentally at the same time as these phrases were spoken) for a brief moment, the world stopped for one man, all concerns disappeared. Parenting, the gift that keeps on giving ... an opportunity to fall in love over and over and over again.

Fri. May 12th – This week Q shaved for the first time, about 14 years ahead of schedule :o) 3 days ago Dad put a dab of shaving gel on his own hand and wowed Q by turning it into a face full of lather. 48 hours later Q would empty a tube of hand lotion and cover his face and head with a lather that would make Gillette envious. With his pretend razor in hand Q would attempt to shave his face and his head before being spotted by his Mom. Clearly he's still fast on his feet and fully engaged. "Gymtastics: (a Gymnastics class for kids) would prove, this week, to be much more difficult than last. Though Q can move quickly it's not always in a straight line - he would fail a sobriety line test if he ever got pulled over in his plastic 'First Step' car for improperly changing lanes :o) Every Monday Q gets chemo and goes through a series of tests, over the course of the last 9 weeks he has lost his deep tendon reflexes (his leg doesn't kick out when hit at the knee), day by day his eyes get droopier, his balance is impaired and the grumpy days are a touch more frequent but ... his appetite is strong, he's experienced no nausea, his tumor seems to have disappeared and his laughter is more contagious than ever. Next week marks the completion of a major milestone - the end of the first of 6 phases of chemo. Though the battle has just begun it's hard not to feel as though Q has put himself in a position of strength ... a sign of great things to come.

Mon. May 15th – Week 10 started off with a great pre-chemo visit with Dr. Smiers. He continues to be impressed by how much the tumor has shrunk, todays magical word was "incredible", followed by a promising "I think we can expect to see amazing results from the CT scan" (scheduled for next Tuesday)."Incredible" & "Amazing", with barely a breath in between. By the end of next week the doctors and M&D will have a much better understanding of the impact of the original tumor on the other organs, the effectiveness of the first 10 weeks of chemo, the potential damage to the vena cava and whether the operation is going ahead for the tentatively scheduled date of 29May (a date that wasn't even in the books 2 days ago !!). The day was a long one, it started in the oncology clinic at 8:30 and lasted until 5pm. When all was said and done Q walked out of the ACH with another round of Vinchristine in his system and a Doxirubicin chaser, while M&D walked out with a spirit booster and a chaser of increased optimism. Tomorrow (or Wednesday) Q will have even greater difficulty with his eyes drooping (that's just the nature of Vinchristine), but when you get the opportunity to actually look into Q's drooping eyes it's easy to see, that a red head without hair is still a red head ... the spirit, energy and karma of this red head doesn't come from the top of his head but instead from the brilliant reds of the fire within.

Wed. May 17th – Every family has a 'freak factor' and this week Dad figured out what it is for the Laudersmith's. For some people there's a freak gene that delivers special skills like ... the ability to see the image of Jesus eating an ice cream when looking at a 3D poster (that to many looks like a blurred bunch of coloured shapes) :o) Those posters use to keep Dad up for nights on end.A different example of this special gene has made it's way into the Laudersmith household - the ability to 'Curl your tongue", it appears that everyone is able to do it but Dad. Q has been walking around the house with his tongue curled for days, Aidan was able to do it at first request and M is certain that this is the start of something big :o) Dad is left alone in the corner trying to prove himself a worthy Laudersmith (his tongue flipping & flopping in his mouth like a fish on a line), poor sap. Slowly the realization hits him - he's the 'odd man out' making him the freak. Tomorrow he's off to search for 3D posters :o) Q is a week 10 superstar - short of the curling tongue he doesn't seem to be experiencing any new side effects of Mondays double dose of chemo :o). The phenomenal weather (records broken yesterday) feeds Q's energy. Despite his sensitivity to bright light, the sun seems to provide a healing brilliance while hinting to a future so bright he'll need to wear sunglasses ;o)

Sat. May 20th – It's amazing what you can get use to, sometimes intentionally, sometimes as a result of 'the creep factor' (very different from the 'freak factor'). M&D are sure that the 'creep factor' has had some play in the household since Q was diagnosed ; changes that have happened without either one of them raising an eyebrow, things that may have started with either laziness or new (truly more important) priorities. Two months ago all juice was diluted with water before going into a cup, bedtime wasn't a moment past 8pm, TV was a max of 30 mins to an hour a day and there was only 1 book at bedtime - now the kids drink scotch 'neat', stay up to watch the Late Show with Jay Leno, and familiarize themself with Holden through several chapters of 'The Catcher in the Rye' before a midnight sleep. OK, perhaps that's an exaggeration, but you get the message :o) Priorities change, and normal now includes needles, watching Quinn like an overprotective parent, freely giving sweets in exchange for a dressing change (as early as 7:30 in the morning), wrapping our child in Saran Wrap before tub time, knowing and accepting the side effects of a variety of medicines (that we couldn't even pronounce 2 1/2 months ago) and happily spending hours on end (on a weekly basis) for CBC results. Along with the awkward norms are the exciting changes, not worrying about 'smothering the kids' with kisses, holding them 3 seconds longer when you hug them, stopping to look in their eyes each time you say 'I love you', truly appreciating the intellect of Ms. Frizzle who drives 'The Magic School Bus' and realizing that the best comedy and most rewarding laughter happens within our own home. A couple of weeks ago, on the way to Aidans dayhome, both listening to the Trooper song "The Boys are Back in Town", Aidan asked Dad a question that he'd not ever considered in the 100+ times he'd heard the song. "Where did they went, I mean 'go' Dad ?", Dad responds with "Who hon, where did who go?", Aidan quickly responds "the boys that are back in town, where were they ?". Dad smiles and then says " I don't know son", Aidan looks perplexed, "How come you don't know Dad?". After dropping AJ at the dayhome it struck Dad, almost hurt his feelings, there were going to be a lot of things that he wouldn't know the answer to ... but it seemed like such a simple question, surely that was one he should have been able to answer :o) Accepting our failures, recognizing our strengths, openly showing our love and readily available for a talk, a question, guidance, an interrogation :o) - that's the best any parent can expect of themself. In all of the bizarre new norms at the Laudersmith household these are the parental guidelines that must rule the roost, if these don't change then all will be well. Dad waits for Aidan to ask the questions again (or perhaps it will be Q who asks next), the answer will be ready ... The boys son ? They left home some time ago and when they realized what they left behind they came back to town to get it !! And when A or Q ask what they left behind, Dad will gladly tell them "They left their Mom & Dad and came back to town to get them :o)" Ah, the first seeds of parental guilt, being planted in a fresh bed of childhood naivete to be nurtured and cultivated through the toddler and early childhood years, into adolescence and eventually into adulthood and the next generation of Laudersmiths :o) It's normal for 'Normal' to change. There are no rules that state it can't be exciting, humorous, chaotic and even bizarre at times, the truth is that over the course of time it will likely include all of those - that's normal.

Mon. May 22nd – There will be no entry today, please read Wednesday's entry for the reason why - it's not just because D is lazy :o)

Wed. May 24th – The long week-end in Alberta was spent in Edmonton and will be memorable for a number of reasons. D finally matured enough to cheer on the Edmonton Oilers (in the absence of the Flames) :o) Hot tubs, Water guns, a game of Family Feud and great company together - all good reminders that things are going quite well right now. "Rolling with the punches" is a skill that takes a long time to master, if you ever really do. Just as you think you're doing pretty well the universe throws you a curve ball to make sure you aren't getting too big for your britches and that you can still smile through adversity. Monday was that curveball (with a little speed thrown into it for good measure). That was the day Q ended up falling in a playground and slamming the back of his noggin' really hard onto one of the wooden steps of the play structure. M&D took him to the hospital worried about internal bleeding (since he's on blood thinner) and a possible concussion. A scary 'window in time' that ended up with 'Two Thumbs Up' for Q after 2 hours in the hospital and a 'Two Thumbs Down' for M&D and their fragile parenting egos. After an actuve afternoon, the Laudersmith clan was off on their 3 hr journey to Calgary.Driving provides great thinking time. On the way home M&D realized how fortunate they were that the playground was so close to the hospital and that the staff was so responsive - they got off lightly. Just as that thought cleared the internal 'Playing Now' screen M's 2000 Mazda MPV decided to weigh in on the matter and, call it 'Quits' . 'Bad Transmission, Bad Bad Transmission !!' - it clearly planned on taking more than a simple time-out :o) It would appear that the universe had decided that it might be a good time for the kids & M to closely observe the dance of the 'prairie dog' (gophers) in their natural habitat (read : Hwy 2 Roadside). This seems like a good time for D to apologize to those of you that drove by and saw a weeping bald man banging on the hood of a black MPV screaming " You piece of crap !!" (Just kidding of course :o)). To make an already long story a touch shorter, the Laudersmith clan made it to Calgary (Thanks Tom), the van didn't. Overall, the week-end was great, an adventure that won't soon be forgotten. Q survived Week 10, a playground bounce, another Oiler win, and an unscheduled gopher hunt. Q's last dose of Vinchristine was a tough one ; sometimes while awake his eyes seems almost closed - in those instances it's the appearance of his dimples and his laugh that tell you he's ALL there and he's watching you !. There was no chemo this week, just a battery of tests (X-rays, bloodwork, CT Scan), the results of which will be received tomorrow. Between M&D there is a strong confidence that tomorrows meeting with the oncologist & surgeon will be a successful one.It's important to set a bar for success before going in. Success tomorrow is defined as getting the 'go ahead' for next weeks surgery, confirmation of no futher metastasis or damage to the vena cava or surrounding organs. Though surgery next week will likely keep him in the hospital for 5-7 days it will also allow him to take a break from the chemo, a break that his eyes are looking forward too :o). Think positive, think S U C C E S S

Thurs. May 25th – Every war that is waged has it's cost, it's victories, it's losses and it's principle enemy. During the fight there are one or two battles that offer defining moments, battles that are must-wins and advance the cause more signifcantly than a collection of battles before it. Today a 7 week streak of no tears was broken ... for all the right reasons.Though the war is still 4+ months from being over, today a major victory was achieved. Iit was confirmed, the enemy has retreated significantly. S U C C E S S that sets a new tone and attitude for the upcoming, seemingly less important, battles. On Monday a major milestone will be achieved with the masterful movements of a scalpel. A kidney and a tumor will be completely removed. Today, TAPS were played as the final encephelon was removed and spiked into the garbage (not unlike a football player celebrating a winning touchdown) - after 100+ needles M&D can say good-bye to the daily injections. Though further exploration is required, the CT scan shows no damage to the vena cava, no traces of what was once a spot on the lungs, no indication of the original mass in the lower abdomen and, though larger than expected last week, a small mass on the right kidney. Next week will be a tough week, pain endured in the spirit of recovery. Q will have a 6-7" incision, and for 2 days will have an alarming number of tubes coming out of him - the pain masked by an epideral and morphine. By Wednesday the tubes should be out, he'll move a little more freely and he'll find his appetite again. By Thursday he should be walking around on his own and by Saturday it's expected that he'll be back home running around the house. 5 Days to go from scalpel to speedster - kids are amazing !!. In no time, Q will be back at home screaming at Java to leave his fallen smartie alone. Subsequent battles will all seem small compared to this win - chemo will be reintroduced in 2-3 weeks and radiation therapy is right around the corner. Those battles will be fought and won, one at a time. M&D will have a crazy week next week, ensuring that one of them is there all the time to provide physiotherapy-like exercise every hour for Q (to accelerate the healing process.) No matter how tired they may get, no matter how battle weary Q feels, no matter how crazy things may seem to Aidan there will be an energy fuelling them from within ... The Laudersmith's are winning the war. S U C C E S S

Mon. May 29th – This past week-end has been an interesting one that demonstrates that hospitals are like any other large organization, stymied by broken processes, misinformation and a complete breakdown in communication both within their own walls as well as with their customers (the patients). The saving grace is really the people, who for the mostpart, despite the absence of good processes, still manage to be very professional and extremely friendly amidst organized chaos.

On the week-end M and the boys were in Edmonton. By accident Q's primary line was pierced, and off to the hospital went M&Q for the second week-end in a row (they're thinking of renaming the Emergency wing to the Q-Zone :o)) Sturgeon General has never seen a central line on a child so they consulted with University Hospital, created a temporary fix and advised M to call ACH when she returned to Calgary the next day. The short-term fix made Q look as though he had been stabbed by scissors and they were coming out of his chest (scissor clamps locking off the line above the hole and held against his chest with enough primapore and adhesive that the local Shoppers Drug Mart was envious).When the call to ACH was made on Sunday morning M was informed that Q should be fine until he's admitted Sun night for his surgery on Monday (at which point a proper repair would be done). Another 'grumpy factor' was that, by ACH instruction, Q was taken off of food at noon (on Sunday). Later Sunday evening, once admitted, a stunned gaggle of doctors and nurses (what do you call a bunch of nurses and doctors ?) wondered why one of their colleagues would say no food from noon, he really should be OK to eat right up to midnight. D started stuffing a starving Q with anything within reach that looked edible. The same staff seemed completely confounded that one of their own informed M&D to wait until admittance to get the line fixed. Because it wasn't repaired that morning , the broviac and central line were now compromised and would need to be completely replaced during surgery at the same time they were taking out the kidney and tumour (add 1 hr to surgery). Confusion runs amuck. Hospitals are just large corporations whose business it is to help people and save lives. It's the human factor, the caring & the sincerity that allows you to see past the corporate inefficiencies.It's the amazing power of people helping people that allows us to overlook the multitude of communication breakdowns. It's now 12:15 on Monday - no news from anyone on the surgery that was to start over an hour ago. Q is exhausted (awake until 1:15 am last night) and could eat the butt end of Barney ... he's starting to get very irritated (and so is Dad). The difference between this and someone showing up late to the boardroom is that surgeries can't be nailed down to 1 hr time slots, surgeons don't always know what they've got until they're knee deep in the hoopla - despite common belief medicine is NOT an exact science, surprises exist. As M pointed out to Dad, surgery is one of the few businesses where you really want them to take their time. The Laudersmiths wait for their good news ;o) ...

Q finally made it into surgery around 1:15 and stayed for a good 3 1/2 hrs, it was around 5 pm that M&D could hear his hoarse screams coming down the hallway. He had so many tubes coming out of him (5) that it was hard to determine how to lift him up off the stretcher to get him into bed. Surgery went extremely well, they removed the kidney and the tumor, while there they checked out everything else and biopsied the other areas for irregularities - so far so good. Q needed some blood during surgery ( a good time to make another pitch for Canadian Blood Services) and is now back in his room in Q cluster (the oncology unit) for recovery. The next 3 days will be painful but managed through an epideral and morphine if required. He should have 3 of the 5 tubes out by Wednesday and asking for real food by then as well. This is an incredible day, a battle won, an extrordinary result that came about through a lot of prayer, well wishes and love. Thank you to everyone of you reading this that has thought a good thought and sent it in our direction, that shared, that asked on bended knee on our behalf, that cared. Thank-you doesn't seem to say enough, but for what it's worth, know that YOU have made a difference and THANK-YOU !! As Quinn would say it "Thank you from the bottom of mine heart " ;o)

Wednesday May 30th – It’s been a tough couple of days for the little Q. The operation from all angles was quite successful but the cost of bringing your insides out, carving them up and then putting them back in is … a lot of pain and discomfort. To add to the challenge, though we didn’t know it, Q’s epidural had dislodged from his back causing him to ‘go it alone’. Finally, after 3 hours of paging pain management, Q got an immediate shot of morphine and then was put on morphine going forward. The difference between then and now is incredible; for the most part he is himself and experiencing minimal discomfort. He has been restricted to a liquid diet for the last 3 days, the scotch is working well for his sleep but the beer just makes him goofy (kidding of course). For the first 2 days he was using a straw with a small sponge on the end of it to soak up some apple juice and he was able to suck on it, now he has graduated to the full use of a straw. The hospital stay has been made more comfortable with the occasional visits from Sparky the clown and the local musician, not to mention his aided participation (thanks Mum) in Bingo where, once again, he cleaned up. His roommate has been moved to a separate room so he’s had the luxury of privacy in a room intended for double occupancy. M&D have moved from the wafer thin bed to sleeping in the lazy boy (not together, obviously :o)). All in all, pain aside, M&D are pleased with the progress, chemo will likely start in a couple of weeks along with radiation. When they opened Q up there was a spot near his vena cava that they were unable to extract due to some bleeding but their sense is that the spot won’t compromise his health in any way as the cells looked dead. Next step to recovery is getting Q out of the hospital, on solid food and walking around. M&D are hoping he’ll be out of the hospital for the weekend.

Thursday June 1st – M&D just got news that will take Q one step closer to recovery. Radiation therapy will start on Monday; chemo will resume that same day as well. M&D were really hoping that Q would get a break , it’s been a tough and long week. Next week will start the next phase of recovery and allow this all to be over, hopefully before the end of September. The expectation of the radiation therapy is that this will likely tire him out pretty quickly, coupled with the chemo he likely won’t be his energetic self much. Radiation will happen over 10 days straight and then will be complete – the next big milestone. At this time it looks as though he will have to go under a general anesthetic each day for radiation – M&D are hoping they’ll find a better way to do it by Monday :o) Today Q is on his feet and moving around a bit, at a tender pace :o) – he’s doing well. Solid foods are being introduced and the expectation is that he will be discharged tomorrow.

Sat. June 3rd – Q came home yesterday and is moving around as if he was never in the hospital - truly amazing. The weather in Calgary is outstanding so we're trying to spend time outside as he has been "locked up" in a hospital room for 5 days without any sun. The sun gods are shining down on the 3 Laudersmith bald heads. M&D&Q have a number of appointments (between the Tom Baker Cancer Center & the Alberta Childrens Hospital) scheduled on Monday for chemo and to do some radiation simulations. For M&D it will be the next step in furthering their education - surely there's a degree or certification to come at the end of this :o) Next update on Monday night.

Mon. June 5th – Dad doesn’t like Mondays, and this one didn’t do anything to change that. M, D & Q made their first Q-related visit to the Tom Baker Cancer Center today. “Dad, this isn’t mine hopital, what is this? Is this your hopital Dad?” The consult was scheduled for 7:45a.m., and would provide a great opportunity for M&D to ask any questions they might have regarding the start of radiation therapy. The session was a mixed bag of good and ‘not as good’ news. There would be only 7 sessions (Not 10 as previously thought), the radiation itself would take 5-7 minutes ( +30-45 mins for prep, administering the general, coming 'out of it' etc), the pelvic region was now going to be included just to be safe. Dad wondered if anyone else found it ironic that “radiation” now fell under the umbrella of ‘safety precautions’. Today there would be a simulation as well as prep and observation so that everyone knows what to expect starting on Thursday. Q is put on a table and a general is slowly administered via his new ‘fancy dancy’ single line broviac. The sleep, though deep, clearly looked unnatural, truly motionless (except for a rising and falling diaphragm), no smile, no REM, Q’s mouth open as though he was put ‘to sleep’ mid-sentence. The stillness was eerie; parent’s aren’t meant (or built) to see their children this motionless. M&D both feel a chill. The anesthetist lifts Q up to move him from the table to a gurney. The motion, though certainly very safe and ‘technically accurate’ left Dad empty. There is a huge difference between how a parent moves a sleeping child from a car to a bed and the sentiment-empty disconnect demonstrated here. It gets M&D wondering about how easy it is for people to do their jobs with the passion and sentiments removed, lost through the thousand occasions that this was done before, oblivious to the impact of those around you. When did this person stop seeing each little person as someones child, a breathing bundle of hope, love and awe. The cost of unconscious competence can be seen in the eyes of M&D, felt deep in their hearts. Everybody falls into it at one point or another, sometimes in our relationships, sometimes in our work place, reaching a place where the ease of the task is unconsciously seperated from the person or people it affects, commonly called 'going through the motions'. It's killed relationships, job satisfaction, dreams and action. Recognizing the state is the first step to correcting it's impact and changing its course. All of this, from the simple act of moving this little gift of God, from the table to the gurney :o) The first stop would be to the radiation simulation lab where laser lights cast multiple grids across Q’s chest (later made more permanent on his chest by a black ‘sharpie’ marker). Six doctors, nurses & techs circle around a 33 lb boy, held 5 ft in the air on a gurney that only provides an extra 2” on each side of him – nobody sees this as unnatural except M&D who haven’t had enough experience to know he really isn’t going to stir even 1mm. Doctors adjust his little limbs and his lower “business” to ensure that nothing unnecessary is exposed to radiation (a step that Q will most certainly appreciate later in life :o) ). All 8 people (including M&D) are then ushered into the room next door to observe Q from a window. Another odd moment, they make sure that the door is closed to protect the adults and leave the child behind in a completely separate room, up in the air as an offering to the bulky metal monster capable of radiation. Huddled over a number of programs running on Windows XP, Dad thinks back to his home PC that runs on the same OS, as of last night it started it’s long last breath – oh my god Dad thinks, my sons health rides on windows programs - his faith waivers. Once radiation simulation is complete, pictures taken and marks captured Q continues to the next step, an MRI where again, the strongest of the group all steal away to a separate room to protect themselves. Q’s table goes in and out of a big disk that reminds D of a ‘stargate’. By 9:30 Q has completed all of the tests and markings and the anesthetic is stopped – he wakes up in 5 minutes, eyes wide open and fully alert (Dad wants some of that stuff for home). After a brief stop at Tim Horton’s & home M&Q head to “Quinn’s Hospital” for a round of chemo. Today Q is scheduled for both Vinchristine & Dactinomyacin. There was concern around Q’s eyes (they continue to be droopy) the fear is that with today’s extra dose of Vinchristine Q’s eyes could get so bad that even while awake they may not open at all. Just the thought of it creeps M&D out ! A decision is made to avoid the risk completely (great call !!) and only give him Dactinomyacin for today’s chemo session. The full afternoon is spent at the hospital where Q received 2 hours of hydration and anti-nausea medicine prior to receiving the Dactinomyacin. This would be a very long day for everyone involved, a day that felt like a week. Dad isn’t a big fan of Mondays – the good news is that there are now 6 days between this one and the next and by the time it comes around we’ll be 2 of 7 steps closer to completing the next major milestone. Bring on Thursday !

Wed. June 7th – Next update will be Thursday evening.

Thurs. June 8th – You can practice, do simulations, plan and strategize all you want but nothing is as ‘real’ as real. Ask the Edmonton Oilers who practiced for 8 days and yet find themselves down in the NHL Stanley Cup Finals 2 games to 0 or … ask Dad who found this morning to be extremely hard despite Tuesday’s practice. The drug “propofal” continues to work like a charm, putting Q to sleep peacefully and quickly and then allowing him to wake later, at his pace and quite comfortably (and completely unaware of what he’s been through). Q needs to be ‘re-marked’ for the radiation, 2 days wear has removed some of the former markings. Once completed, Q heads over to radiation for his first treatment. Over the next week, the side effects will likely create sensitive skin and redness similar to that of a sunburn and he may experience nausea. He is given ondancetron for the latter, a kiss on the belly for the former :o). The redness may happen within the next week or it could happen 2 months later, nobody is certain how it will affect the wee (but Mighty) Quinn. Q lies on the table motionless , a human sacrifice to the medical equivalent of Godzilla. The radiation machine is huge; a large, wide, steel arm extends over Q’s 33 lbs, focused on his belly; it looks like the curled arm of a large animal caught mid-lunge. D is stunned to see this ‘arm’ start to move around the table completing a half circle from it’s lurching position above his body to a curled arm under the table (and Q). It is then that Dad realizes what nobody has told him before – the radiation zone is not just his diaphragm, abdomen and pelvic area from the front, but the machine also radiates those areas through his back. At the same time that this new information is getting into D’s thick brain past tearing eyes (wimp!!), D is ushered into the next room, for his next surprise. Where the hell are the windows that allow full view of the Mighty Q? It feels as though Q is a million miles away, Dad feels the isolation that Q cannot. The only viewing of Q is on one of 2 screens that are focused, in the other room, from his pelvis to his white face. The 2nd camera is focused on the machine that monitors his heart rate and O2 intake (also in the other room). On the computer is a perfect representation of his skeletal structure, a picture that breaks a person down to bare bones showing nothing of who they’ve become and what they mean to others. Though it’s Q that’s all alone and in a separate room it’s Dad that feels a deep sense of loneliness overcome him, watching Q’s, expressionless face on a 5” x 5” screen. For a moment, parental guilt sneaks in, a feeling that Dad could have and should have prevented this somehow; Dad’s emotions get the best of him (though no one notices … further proof that there is a God :o)). The whole experience feels spectral, unnatural, surreal. The air feels as though everyone is holding their breath, waiting for something to happen. The entire radiation session lasts 5 minutes in duration (not 10-15 as D had expected. Yeah !!). Before moving Q back onto the gurney the anesthetist removes the bandages from Q's operation with as much care as one would remove the tiny little sticker from a banana or apple (who cares where the fruit comes from ?) The scar is healing really well, and is a reminder of how far Q has come. A line from a favorite song jumps into D’s head …"scars are souvenirs you never lose, the past is never far". The first radiation treatment is now complete, the toughest steps are always the first few, and they’ve now been taken. The memory will serve as a future marker of how strong we can be and how far we’ve all come. Q awakes and is confused as to why others are allowed to freely draw on him though he gets grief over a little marker on the kitchen table. Dad feels like giving him a paintbrush and setting him free in the living room, but even then, the reward wouldn’t even come close to delivering what he and his brother deserve. Every day provides a new opportunity to fall in love with these tiny beings that handle adult situations with a carefree attitude fed by innocence and wide-eyed curiosity. Tomorrow, M is taking Q to radiation, D is setting up an appointment with a therapist, any therapist :o)

Mon. June 12th – Despite some funky weather, the Laudersmiths have been celebrating the freedom to move, run (sometimes stumble :o)), speak (sometimes Yell) over the past 3 or 4 days. On Thursday evening the Kids Cancer Care Foundation of Alberta (KCCFA) held a Jungle Cancer Camp out at the CITY TV studios. When the Laudersmith clan arrived both kids were thrown right into the jungle experience and received a safari hat and a name tag identifying them as fellow junglemen to 10 other attendees. Aidan was 'off the wall' (or perhaps better stated as 'off the vine') excited about the experience and immediately started shadowing the local TV personality (Dave Kelly) as well as Tim (KCCFA hero). The 'ham' in Aidan came out to play way too often :o)- where there is a camera AJ has a personality to capture (and the TV studio had cameras everywhere). Q was an inquisitive monkey in this incredible Jungle adventure that brought smiles to many and the realization that cancer hits all ages. Unfortunately, due to their age, they were unable to stay the full night but were able to participate in enough to look back on it with a big smile. On Friday morning, before round 2 of radiation they would see their mugs on the City TV "Breakfast Show" - it was so nice that their first TV appearance wasn't for a city wide arrest warrant (they're much much too young to get into that kind of trouble :o))

Fridays radiation experience went without incident, though M got to experience it for the first time. Reading the experience in last Thursdays entry, didn't soften the blow at all, sometimes it's in the experience not the knowledge. M&D have noticed a big decrease in Q's appetite and his stomach is getting a touch sensitive but all in all he's faired extremely well. By end of day tomorrow Q will be more than half way through radiation. After radiation this morning Q&D headed over to the Childrens Hospital to get some blood work done (a 'check and balance' on Q's hemoglobin levels). Today, when they were opening Q's shirt Dad was once again amazed at the length of the scar left from surgery and the incredible healing power of the Mighty Q. On the side of the family fridge is a picture of Quinn with his arms high in the air celebrating life, showing a belly that looked innocent enough to fool many, but was dangerous enough to shake the foundations of this family. The picture, though from just March, seems as though it was taken a lifetime ago. Through the experience comes the active realization that the Laudersmith's are so much stronger as a family, a team, than they ever could have been on their own. The battles continue to be won, one at a time, everyone having a role to play. Tomorrow is another day, Today was another good one, and without having to focus on it in it's entirety three months have passed since diagnosis, only four more to go !!

Updates will now occur weekly (on Wednesday evenings) or more frequently, if required, as dictated by the events surrounding the Mighty Quinn and Awesome Aidan. :o)

Thurs. June 15th – Q will complete his radiation treatments tomorrow, another major milestone behind us. He has faired well through this entire process, though his appetite has been greatly reduced over this time, his energy is at about 80% of where it was 4 months ago and his smile is brighter than ever. His appetite should come back within 2 weeks, until then we continue to feed him anything he wants :o) For the past week his cravings have been for Yoplait Yogurt Tubes, the occasional old cheddar, gummies and caviar (just kidding about the caviar, M&D had to draw the line somewhere :o)). Next week will be a treatment-free week, radiation will be completely done and chemo isn't scheduled again until the 26th ( a double dose of double meds). It's great to see Q bright-eyed again, 3 weeks off of Vinchristine will do that. Over the course of the last 3 months there has been no need for transfusions or additional hospitalization beyond the 2 weeks at diagnosis and the week of surgery.There is no reason to believe that the next 4 months won't be absolutely awesome (and run as smoothly as the past 3 1/2 ). There have certainly been changes in the household; fresh perspectives, different priorities, greater patience and a stronger appreciation for what we had, have and hope to have. Health is something that we've always taken for granted. For most, we only realize the power of 'breath' when it's lost or laboured during a cold. Why is it that we most value what we have when we lose it or find it in jeopardy- free breathing, laughter, relationships, health, life ? The biggest lesson in much of this is to value and celebrate what we have, not what we don't. When that's done it's easy to see that magic lives among us all. Recently it's been found in some of the little things: hearing the boys sing 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star'; reading Scooby Doo mysteries; tickling wars; dancing with Daddy's honey; Laughing at ourselves and each other ... Last week Aidan asked D, 'Dad what do I do for a living ?' :o) Where do they get their inquisitiveness, their incredible questions, their humour ? Three weeks ago, while in a restaurant washroom stall (trying a number 2) Aidan turned to Dad and says "I hope nobody saw us come in here Dad " "Why son?" D asks, "Cause if they come in here they're going to say, ' Ew, whats that smell ?' and if they saw us Dad, they'll know that smell would be me!". 'I'll take the heat for you son, don't worry about it' Dad responds. 'Whats heat Dad ?' Aidan asks. Dad just smiles ... the boys are doing great and, thanks to them, so too are M&D. Humor is alive and well within the walls of the Laudersmith nuthouse, and is a key part of the healing regiment, that will extend long past October ;o)

Thurs. June 16th - At 9:11 a.m. , in the basement of the Tom Baker Cancer Center, a large metal door was opening, of the 3 lights above it the green light shone in celebration and the wee Quinn was joined by 4 people, one of whom had (yet again) a tear rolling down their face. This is a day to mark on the Laudersmith calendars going forward, maybe we will call it Quinn day. There's Mothers Day, Fathers Day and M&D, why not have a Quinn and Aidan day in celebration of the most significant influences on our lives ?. Perhaps instead, Quinn day should be reserved for that day in September or October when the family boldly declares "The War is Won". Whatever is decided, this day needs to be celebrated, even honoured, going forward. Radiation is done, finito, over, kaput (sp?), adios, sayonara, bon freakin' voyage :o) The 'tear' is clearly one of joy, sponsored by a little emotional exhaustion, relieve and pride in the way that Quinn has gone through this. Relief that radiation exists, but also that, as a parent, M&D shouldn't have to see a child of theirs in this 'state' of helplessness or vulnerability ever again, shadowed by a machine that is 50+ times his size. D offer's up a little prayer (or perhaps 'request' is a better word :o)) that those statements are true. Another small blessing today is the opportunity to change Qs broviac dressing while he is out cold - another little prayer (of thanks) is offered, this time to the God of Anesthesia ;o). As a memento of this experience Q comes home with a poster that was made for him by one of the nurses, a reddish and somewhat tender tummy and a container of Glaxal Base to keep the area moisturized.Tomorrow starts the week-end and Quinn, for the first time in almost 2 weeks, can eat at the break of dawn, no hospital run, no closed door meetings, no parking optimism required as the Mighty Q has NO appointments scheduled for the next 9 days. Have we shared ? RADIATION IS FREAKIN' DONE ;o)

Thurs. June 22nd - Today is the first day of the rest of your life. How many times have you heard that one before ? :o) How many 'first day's' can one have ? This morning Dad did something that he doesn't recall really ever taking the time to do before - BEFORE going to work he took the time to read two chapters of the Scooby Doo Mysteries to Aidan. As he drove to work he wondered whether there would be anything that might happen later that day that could possible eclipse the morning Scooby Doo enlightenment - there wasn't. The close second was hearing that Quinn, who yesterday woke up his sleeping Granny by saying "Happy Birthday Sleepy Head', started today by saying the exact same thing :o) Imagine if it were true that every day we could feel as though it was our birthday, as though something special was happening or about to happen ? WOW !! Q has had a chemo and radiation free week, his eyes are back to normal, his energy is close to "full on" and his propensity to laugh, all of the time, is in full gear. A simple 20 minutes in the morning with Aidan and a good laugh with Q (took 10 seconds) has Dad wondering what role/job can provide him with greater opportunity to spend time with the family, satisfy his desire to achieve a high sense of contribution and comfortably pay the bills. Perhaps it's been Q's illness, or perhaps it's just that Dad's at that age (42) or maybe it's that the universe is calling but he's only hearing it as a whisper and can't quite 'get it'; no matter what it is Q & Aidan have changed one man's way of thinking. Today is the first day of the rest of your life !! OK OK, maybe it's not actually today but it's definitely some day soon.How about for you ? What is it going to take ?

Thurs. June 29th - After a drug free week (sounds like a 12 step program) Q was back at the hospital on Monday for chemo. Dad thought he looked fantastic but the doctors thought he was a little pale and decided to cut his treatment in half, though Vinchristine (the droopy eyed drug) would be one of the two chemo drugs he would get. After bloodwork, a check-up and 2+ hrs of hydration the actual chemo part of it takes only about 30-40 minutes. One of the drugs is administered directly into his broviac while the other is given to him through an IV drip. The latter drug is red, Q calls it "juice" for his body as he watches the clear liquid in his line slowly (and I do mean slowly) change to red. Dad sees no value in explaining that it's not actually juice but, as the label states, fatal if taken orally :o) The drugs from Monday seemed to have Q a touch "wired" and he had great trouble getting to sleep on Tuesday and Wednesday (11:00pm & 12:00am respectively) as a result of it he is now a big fan of Canadian Idol and CSI (just kidding). On Tuesday he was kind of "jumpy" and had the "shakes", by Thursday morning, for the mostpart, he was back to his normal self. There has been minimal effect, if any, on his eyes (knock on wood).Through all of this Aidan has been an awesome big brother, Q has been a little testy recently (could blame it on the drugs or perhaps simply his genes :o)) and Aidan has put up with the occasional bite and scratch.Though treatment will continue until the beginning of October, it's the deveil that we know. K is finished work tomorrow and really looking forward to spending the summer with the boys, Dad will continue to work from home 2-3 days a week which will give him the opportunity to appreciate the boys in 10 minutes spurts called 'coffee breaks' - it's amazing how much the environment can affect how great a coffee break can be. Now that the 'cold season' is done, feel free to come by and visit the Laudersmith Nuthouse where every day is better than the previous one and the summer is going to be awesome !!

Wed. July 5th - AJ has a cold - oops, spoke too soon :o) M&D are in awe of both the boys abilities to start each day with the full expectation that it's going to be a great one - that attitude has led to some incredible days. The chemotherapy from last week hasn't really slowed Q down much, he's spent the last week running around the backyard and testing out his new bouncy house. When not outside he's inside antagonizing his brother :o) M&D both feel as though Q has grown up so much in 4 months, perhaps it's the experience, perhaps it's simply the natural transition from that of a toddler to a little boy. But even beyond that, things are changing, a transformation of sorts is occuring. Quinn's illness has allowed M&D to start to look at things differently, to examine who they want to be when they grow up :o), revisit priorities. One thing will change for sure, M&D's level of 'awareness' has been heightened. At home the discussions around 'next steps' are more frequent, there's a greater appreciation for 'the now' as well as a true understanding of the magic, humour and energy that the boys bring every day. The contribution of Quinn and Aidan, to the Laudersmith family, can't be overstated - something that M&D are really only now beginning to truly understand. When we understand and accept, as parents, that we have as much to learn from our children as we do to teach them, the relationship between parent and child changes.Though Q and Aidan will never be allowed to put Mom or Dad on the naughty pillow to contemplate their actions :o), their wisdom is shared through their innocence, their willingness and ease in giving the benefit of the doubt, their honesty, their openness to being wowed, their lack of judgement on others and their on-going demonstration of unconditional love. The lessons are rich and more frequent now that M&D are open to being amazed themselves. And,on occasion, when Dad misses the lesson, he gets sent to the naughty pillow by the only one that wields that kind of power .... Mum :o)

Wed. July 12th - This weeks lesson is to 'expect the unexpected' and have faith that there's nothing you can't handle. Quinn is doing well but threw M&D for a loop on the week-end which resulted in an unexpected visit to Q cluster. On Saturday, between his final diaper change for the evening and getting ready for bed, 34 lbs of joy ran diaperless around the house as 'naked boy' (as the boys refer to it), demonstrating an au naturel attitude that screams 'I'm comfortable with who I am, and you ?' :o) During this mini streakfest M noticed an awkward bulge coming out of Q's stomach where his right kidney and primary tumor were removed. Dad could see it as soon as Q stopped running, it was clearly visible, especially from the side and from an angled view from behind. It seemed like it was jutting out from Q's stomach, an unnatural protrusion the size of a golfball but with an odd shape to itl. M&D's gut told them it wasn't another tumor but more likely a hernia or problem with the abdomen wall. A call on Saturday night and a trip first thing Sunday confirmed that it wasn't likely another 'mass' (code for a new growth tumor) but nobody was certain what it actually was. Visits to the hospital on Monday (bloodwork)and again on Tuesday (meeting with the surgeon) provided no additional information other than that it was likely a hernia related to a tear in the abdomen wall or the surgery in that area. The current plan is that if it doesn't resolve itself between now and the end of chemo (October) then it will be resolved through surgery at the same time the broviac is removed. At the end of Tuesdays meeting Q asked the surgeon, 'Quinn is good to go ?' :o) It's clear that our he understand much more than he lets on sometimes. Q is truly 'good to go', his eyes are great, his energy is strong, his appetite is increasing and he insists on getting up at 5:50am every morning, walking into M&D's room with his diaper, vaseline and wipes in hand - Good Morning he shouts, I'm up !! :o) Dad smiles, ironically. of all of the Laudersmith's it is Q that is always 'up' :o) It's as though he knows something that most of us can't begin to understand, he wakes up every morning with a full expectation that the day will be great .... what a terrific way to start a day !! The list of lessons continues to grow ... as does the 2 1/2 yr old - Q turns 3 next month.

Wed. July 19th - This weeks entry is NOT for the weak of faith :o) When this whole situation with Q started, both M&D went through their own personal hell, silently wondering whether this was somehow brought on by themselves. You can't imagine the insanity that runs through your head -: is this the cost of missing mass ?, perhaps the result of putting too much focus on work and not enough on home ? or perhaps simply the cost of the phenomenal fortune they've had to date ? It took a couple of weeks for M&D to share their respective guilt with each other, it was at this time that they both realized they need to communicate more. As it turns out, both, privately, quietly, almost embarassingly, had asked for help, something to bring the family closer together, tighter, something to enable us to change from simply being present in our lives to full on, both feet in, "actively living" our lives, driving the decisions, taking risk, celebrating our incredible fortune of having each other and these 2 incredible children. It took 2 weeks for each to get over their fear that they had somehow brought this on the family, making the ask without stipulations or rules on how the answer was to come - how could they have been so reckless ? The realization that both wanted and were feeling the same way, before, during diagnosis, and after the first treatment, was the first step to the healing, the recovery, the magic. There will never be a full understanding 'why' this may have happened to this family, to Q, to each member in their own way. It's not about blame or cause, it's about getting where you need to be, focussing on the destination, appreciating that there are lessons in the journey. Seeing the goal is the first step of the journey - trust the steps you're taking while never losing sight of where you WILL be and know ... you WILL be there. Blame and Guilt are emotions that takes energy away from Hope, Faith, Trust, Healing and Progress. From simple truths, lives can change, courses altered, foundations built. The lessons continue ....

Thurs. July 27th - Even the most precious of children have a lion within them that comes out from time to time to roar at the top of their lungs and bite you if you get too close :o) This past week, Quinners lion showed it's face and beared its' teeth on more than one occasion. Q's treatment last week slowly took a toll on him, so much so that by the time his bloodwork and ultrasound was done this past Monday he was in jeopardy of having to receive a platelet transfusion (as the counts dropped from 670 the week before to 60 this week.) If the decline continued and his count hit 20 it could have been a problem. Today is Thursday and his count is back on the rise 120+ and things are looking good. Q's been a challenge to handle this week, each day a little more 'off' than the previous one. He's got bruises all over his leg from simply being a little boy, without the little boy's ability to withstand minor bumps. Each bump turns into a bruise, each ask turns into a whine and escalates to a cry or scream if not addressed immediately. As parents it's really tough to provide smart discipline when you are aware that some of the drivers of the poor behaviour are chemical. The lines are drawn further apart to accomodate a need for greater tolerance of an irritability that for another child would be unacceptable. The 'naughty pillow' has failed to fully bounce back from the frequency with which it's supported a Q's bottom this week :o) perhaps it should be replaced by a 'naughty brick' or perhaps a 'naughty block of ice' to deliver greater desired results in a faster time frame (imagine having to sit on a block of ice until you were ready to say sorry and make amends) :o) Q's eyes are still pretty good and even though his temperament is slowly changing his heart and gentleness can be seen through his eyes, his butterfly kisses, his 'got it' responses when you blow him a kiss. The heart of an angel, in the body of a child, who fights like a man. M&D try to demonstrate greater patience; this week they've been called on to kick it up a notch. M does it intuitively, D is not the most patient man you'll ever meet but, as patience goes, he married his mentor :o)

Fri. August 4th – Dad is a lazy sod ... again :o) He apologies for the delay in updating the site, but has been out of town on business and had no access to the internet. Sounds like a lame excuse if you ask me :o) Overall, Q has had a pretty good week. It's hard to believe that August is here and that we're 5 months into treatments, surprises, personal revelations and enlightened parenting :o) The horror of the first solo dressing change seems as though it was years ago while, at the same time, feeling as though it was yesterday. Looking back over the past 5 months M&D would agree that, other than the original diagnosis and discovery phase, it was the radiation therapy that's been the most difficult. Many have suggested to Dad that he should publish this journal to help others that may have to go through something similar, or to provide health care professionals with the 'other side of the story' as a means to enlighten them around the true power that they yield in the recovery and healing process. It's hard to say what D will do with this, but one thing is for sure, it will be printed off for both Aidan and Q to read when there a little older (and able to read :o)) to help them better understand the path that the family has taken and possibly explain the future irrational actions of parents that can't fully let go :o) 5 months ago M&D were warned of multiple transfusions, the possible likelihood of fatigue so intense Q may need to be carried from one place to another, weight loss and irritability. When you're emotionally prepared for the worst, and try and focus on the best, every day holds it's surprises, encouragement, miracles. What they weren't told of was the incredible response of friends and families, as well as the relatives of friends, the prayers of strangers and full congregrations, the incredible healing power of a community of all of these people together. At one point D was having trouble with the site and looked at the links and the web statistics associated with this page and was stunned (not a far feat for him - hee hee) by the number of people that accessed this page, people from Europe, England, Malaysia, across N.America. At it's peak 200+ people a day 1000+ hits a week. People are often most touched by the illness of children because children haven't lived enough to understand it, to have the strength to combat it, to deserve it. We see it happening to the others childrens and think 'that could easily have been xxxxx'. Interestingly enough it's the children that can typically fight it the best, they expect, and live a life and a mindset that feeds the healing process. Interestingly enough that attitude not only assists in their own healing but also in the healing of others. If you have any thoughts, concerns, stories or insights about what's been written over the past 5 months, lessons that have resonated with you, lessons that you disagree with, lessons that perhaps you've had insight into that M&D haven't, please feel free to share them through the link below. At some point, these will all be shared with Q & AJ. There is roughly 2 months to go and without hesitation there is a strong sense that, as magnificent as Q's recovery has been so far, M&D don't know the half of it, there are lessons that simmer below the conscious mind that have yet to reveal themselves and that the best is yet to come :o)

Wed. Aug 9th - With Monday being a holiday this week, Tuesday was the day for the trip to ACH, it was a busy day that included bloodwork, chemo (Vinchristine & Doxorubicin), ultrasound and chest x-ray. All seemed to be going well right up until the ultrasound. The ultrasound technician completed the test and then went to look at the pictures and follow-up with the doctor, both came back into the room, looked at the results again and then left for a consult that felt like it took an hour (but was really about 10 minutes). When asked if there was a concern the tech informed M that if there was a problem oncology would call them tomorrow. H E L L O !!! The night last night was a long one and today was spent afraid of a phone call. Dad was at lunch with a colleague when his cell phone rang, he picked it up to here M crying on the other end, trying to tell him something that he just couldn't understand. "Hon, everything will be fine, I need you to calm done what's the news ?" M settled herself enough to share the news "There's a mouse in the house !!" she managed to say. H E L L O !! Dad is confused, is this a code that I should understand ? "There is a mouse in the trap under the sink" she shrieked. Dad picked his heart up off of the floor, tried to control his breath and shared with her that 'if this is the worst news we receive today it's an awesome day - for us at least !!". No calls came at all today from oncology. Q&A spent the day at the KCCFA day camp and had a blast. Dad snuck home to take care of the mouse and to change the underwear he'd soiled during the first 5 seconds of her call :o) Prior to throwing the mouse in the garbage Dad kissed it on it's little mouse lips :o) wished it adieu and breathed a huge sigh of relief. Another day in the Laudersmith household, one step closer to full recovery.

Thurs. Aug 16th - A week has passed since the ultrasound that unnerved M&D. At Monday's ACH appointment further clarification was given regarding the 'concerns' of last week. Q's remaining kidney, which is performing the role of 2 is, as expected, growing to accomodate the new demands. The delays at the ultrasound were in comparing the pre and post-op size of the right kidney. Since the operation the kidney has grown from 7.5 cm to 8.1 cm and is now considered to fall into the 'high normal' range. Translation ? Nothing to worry about, but they will need to continue to keep an eye on it. M&D wonder what the risk is of having a larger kidney and will ask the next time they're with the doctor. The other 'learning' from last Wednesday is that mice don't just pose a problem in the winter, oh ya, and that we're now shy one mouse trap under the sink :o) This Sunday is Quinns 3rd birthday, though the celebrations will be 'low key' in favour of an October party, the theme of which will be "Three and Cancer-free" !! Aidan was able to spend most of last week at the KCCFA Kids summer camp, Q spent 2 days there. AJ had his first 'sleep over', there is confirmation that M&D probably slept the least of everybody that night - feeling uncomfortable with one of the sheep seperated from the rest of the flock :o) Both boys are growing up, both physically. experientially and intellectually, faster than M&D would have liked. It seems odd for a 3 & 4 1/2 yr old to know so may 3+ syllable medical words before they even start their pre-med studies at university :o) . The summer has come and gone much too quickly, though in reflection, despite all of the circumstances, M&D would say it's been a great summer !! D has grown as well throughout the past 5 1/2 months. He most noticed it recently when he had what he'll forever refer to as the 'car incident'. D bought a new 2007 Camry SE about 2 months ago and had to get over the 'new' feel within 3 weeks as AJ christened it with, well ... vomit, once wasn't enough, it seems 3 was the magic number Where's the good fortune, Q immediately announced to his mother "Oh Mom, I smell something bad. What is that ??" Dad opened his window as quickly as he could and hit the accelerator a touch harder. One week later that same sporty 'upchuck truck' appeared to be stolen right out of the garage until Dad saw it across the street in the neighbours front lawn, having missed a cable box and a tree trunk by about 6" on either side. A year ago D is certain he would have 'lost it' (primarily at himself for not having fully engaged the hand brake and for his crappy luck), but at this time he found himself oddly smiling and 'thanking God' as he crossed the street to retrieve it, that the boys weren't in the back of the car, that nobody was crossing the sidewalk as the phantom driver carelessly backed it down the driveway, that no cars were coming down the street at the time and that the neighbour had enough branches (or should I say 'use to') on their evergreen to slow it down from continuing on into their living room :o) When you think about it, he was lucky on so many fronts. Another huge blessing this week is from the ultrasound. Not the one that Q went through but instead, Karens ............. NO, we're NOT expecting another child !! Every 6 months Karen has to go for an ultrasound of her thyroid, almost 4 yrs ago the left half of it was removed due to cancer. No reason to expect anything but good news there. Good fortune comes in so many ways, and is really easy to see when you look for it. Many moons ago when Dad was working for AT&T, the president of the company was in town and, during a meeting with the management team, shared something that D will never forget. In chinese the symbols for CRISIS consists of 2 seperate symbols, one for "Danger" and one for "Opportunity" - combined they create the symbol for Crisis. Even in moments of crisis, opportunity exists for those that are able to come at it with both eyes wide open. The real trick is getting past the panic :o) Breathe and believe ...

Wed. Aug 23rd - Q's bloodwork this week came back with some weak White Cell, Platelet and AGC counts. The guidance this week is to 'keep an eye on him'. The truth is he looks great this week, though his energy is low his devil is strong and the laughter of both boys shapes the energy in the house. Clearly nobody has told Q that his counts are low, or perhaps they have but he's refusing to listen (more likely the case - it's the Smith part of the Laudersmith in him :o)) Q, for some very odd reason (that he hasn't shared) has also decided to put the brakes on his potty training. Oh, he's comfortable telling M&D when he's gotta go ... as he's going. From the corner of the living room Q will shout, 'Hey Mom !!' M responds 'Yes hon ?' and then it happens, through a strained voice and clinched teeth, a slightly stooped 3 year old shouts out 'I'm NOT pooping right now !!'. M&D can tell by the voice that it's clearly a lie :o) Q has NOT gone to the washroom so much this week that we've gone through a case of pull-ups, 2 carpets, 3 boxes of wipes and 2 teams of garbagemen (with the 3rd team refusing to pick up our trash) :o) OK, perhaps that's excessive, but you get the message. NOT peeing and NOT pooping is causing a little grief in the house, M&D are trying to find the chemo link to this bizarre behaviour. Perhaps it's Q's way of revolting for not having a big hoopla on Sunday for his 3rd birthday (we'll be having a massive birthday party once we hear those 4 words that will prompt goose bumps on M&D - QUINN IS CANCER FREE. That's going to be a hell of a party, and M&D will allow Q to NOT pee or NOT poop to his hearts content :o)

Wed. Aug 30th - Last week was the first of, hopefully, many Laudersmith camping trips (yes, in tents ). Spray Lakes can be found deep in the Rockies, the tents were set-up about 300 ft from the lake itself and at the bottom of one of the Rockies magnificent monuments to a time that taught us everything and nothing. Fresh air can provide an incredible high, the only thing better is the perfect reflection of the mountain off of the still waters of the lake first thing in the morning. Despite the low blood counts Q seemed in his element, the two boys trying to outdo each other in the art of skipping stones across the mirrored lake. The evenings were incredible and, hmmm, how is it best said .... FREAKIN' COLD !! :o) The only thing that could have topped off the week was the incredible surprise M&D received on Monday. This past Monday was Q's LAST CHEMO SESSION !! It seems that of the next 3 Mondays, none of them include chemo. A ton of tests and blood work but, certainly worth saying again, NO MORE CHEMO !! The past 3 days the Laudersmith's have been living on a high even more powerful than the mountain air ... dare it be said again ?... NO MORE CHEMO :o) Once the last tests are completed on Sept 18th and they show that Q is the best letter of the alphabet :o) the only thing standing in the way of normalcy is the surgery to remove the broviac (which will be scheduled early to mid October) and the 4-6 month recovery period where every day is better than the previous. Has anyone noticed that the air outside seems lighter ? fresher ? more charged ? Hmmm, perhaps it's just us. Not sure you read it right ? NO MORE FREAKIN' CHEMO !! and ... breathe ;o)

Wed. Sep 6th - The last 6 months have brought with it a lot of "firsts" for the Laudersmith family. Today another first was added ... Dad went fishing with the boys and brought home 2 great tasting trout. Sit with that image for a minute or two.... :o) Now, for a number of you, the last sentence threw you for a loop, if you know Dad :o) OK, here are the rest of the facts that bring 'plausible' back into play ... Today Jamies pre-school kids and their parents went to the Kananaskis Lodge to fish from the trout stocked pond. Each year, the pond needs to be emptied before the fall weather to save (?) the trout - they sure were tasty :o), though the boys won't attest to it as they were smart emough to put it together .. from swimming, to hook, to flopping, to plate. The boys wouldn't have any part of it after the flopping :o) The weather was accomodating and the boys had a great time. Day 8 after the last chemo, came on Tuesday (it typically takes 6-8 days post chemo to see any fatigue and the effects of treatment), today in Kananaskis D noticed a lot of bruises on Q's legs, beyond that, Q seemed pretty good. The CBC on Monday showed low white blood cells and platelets but a strong AGC, in English ... he'd be OK, tired and bruised but ... very OK. Each parent and child on the bus to Kananaskis has been through or is going through a lot, yet there is a bond of hope, of strength, of patience. For every child that is experiencing hard times there is always someone in a better situation and someone in a worse situation. It's not about the number of transfusions, chemo sessions etc, it's really more about seeing the end however long away that might be and knowing that, no matter what, we're each able to handle what we need to, step up when we have to and willing to do whatever it takes, as kids, as adults, as families, as friends. With much love from families and friends we believe we've made it past the hardest part of the journey, for others it's jut starting. Each parent thats been through the journey asks themselves the question ... How many times can you kiss your kids in a single day before it becomes too much ? It's a rhetorical question ... for this family, at this time, it's never enough !! Life is Good.

Thur. Sep 21st - It's taken a very long time to get here, seven months that, in many ways feels, like a lifetime. The past 2 weeks have been hectic, but mostly filled with 'normal' stuff. It's odd to use that term 'normal', as it's changed so many times for the family over these months. At one point normal was 2 needles a day, a dressing change, amlodopine at night and trying to secure an oxygen device to Q's face so that it wouldn't come out while he slept. The normal in the household now is different, calmer AND crazier. The crazy associated with chasing after 2 little guys that love to run, laugh, read, antagonize each other and love each other - all in the same hour :o) Q had his last weekly appointment at the hospital this past Monday. It was Dad's birthday, it seems fitting that the last regimen of tests ( an ultrasound, a CT Scan, a chest x-ray, a physical exam and bloodwork ) occur on that day. Dad could think of no better gift than Q's clean bill of health. These tests were to confirm what M&D have been waiting a long time to hear, and they did, Q is great !! Weekly appointments are now replaced by quarterly check-ups, in a couple of years those will be replaced by a check-up every 6 months and then eventually once a year. The Childrens Hospital has become a home away from home for our family. In the next week the Alberta Childrens Hospital will close it's doors, in it's current capacity, and move to a new, larger and brighter facility that is further away from M&D. The existing hospital has served it's purpose, thousands of children saved, millions of millions of tears shed for so many reasons, lives transformed by miracles as well as the gentle passing of little angels. It feels weird to Dad, it's as though the building was waiting for Q to be done with it before it closed it's doors, how considerate. :o) 2006 will be the year that this family was given the gift of a new perspective on everything. The gift almost killed them, but in the end, will have been worth the pain of the journey. It really is true that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. The lessons learned are plentiful, the question now becomes how to integrate them into our life, the answer is ... slowly, purposefully, one day at a time. There is a saying that 'Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, that's why it's called 'the present'. This morning Q came into M&D's bedroom carrying a diaper, vaseline, his favourite blanket and some wipes. "Good Morning everybody. Dad I brought a diaper and some bum cream and some wipes for you, I had to pee my pants - I'm sorry about that. Can you please change my bum ?". Dad is certain that moment will be one of the highlights of his day - so much pleasure in something so small. Every moment with these boys holds magic, every breath a promise, every smile a reminder that every day is a gift. It's time to celebrate ...

Wednesday Sept. 27th - It seems that D has lied - he doesn't seem to be celebrating much - what's up with that ? Yesterday D was out with a friend who told him she was suprised that he wasn't in an 'insanely happy' mode around everything, something he himself had realized.The hold up is a skinny 8" line that hangs out of Q's chest. Right now, every change for bed and every bath etc the broviac reminds D that though the fat lady is up on her red pumps, and her mouth is open, but she's not singing yet. Everyone now knows that she will, and that she has a voice, and the her mouth is open and can even smell her breath but the note hasn't pierced the air yet, breaking the silence :o) Yesterday afternoon D had a conversation with the oncology nurse discussing the recovery path and the scheduled visits and was told that they'd try and have the broviac out by Christmas. Dad replied - "Christmas? that's just not going to work. We have to put Q through a dressing change every 2 days and as long as the broviac is in there it doesn't feel like this is done. We need the broviac out yesterday please". The nurse and doctors will try to accomodate the request in October. The removal of the line is completed through day surgery - soon we hope, no overnighter required. M&D sure that the new ACH is incredible but not anxious to verify that as the truth :o) In anticipation of the broviac removal, and closing the door on the past 7 months, October is shaping up to be a brilliant month !! In the far corner of the Laudersmith backyard, a testament to this journey will be constructed - a clubhouse for the boys to grow into. A winterized 10' x 14' clubhouse with a small loft, benches and a drop down table - a place where at 8 they can have secret club house meetings, at 13 they can listen to music, play cards or do their homework in privacy and for now, at 3 & 4 they can have camp-outs with M&D. The Make-a-Wish foundation is one of many incredible organizations that exists for children. Their mandate is to give children with cancer something to look forward to, to remember, to ease the journey, and for those fortunate to make it to the other side a means to celebrate the completion of the journey. It will be called 'Karma House' for all of you that sent good karma Q's way.The broviac will come out and a celebration will be held to open the door to the clubhouse, celebrate Q's 3rd birthday and to welcome, with open arms, the healing power of friendship. The date hasn't been set but stay tuned, it will be an October celebration and you're invited !! The next update will be after our Oct 5th appointment (formally reviewing the test results, slides and pictures.) at which time we also hope to have a date for the removal of the broviac. Sing baby sing ... your breath is sweet but your voice is what we've waited to hear ;o)

Sunday Oct. 15th – It’s been a long time since the last update – it’s not been for a lack of effort, D has tried to update it twice and lost the update both times due to internet challenges. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it. Thanks for your patience. There’s been a lot going on over the course of the last 2 ½ weeks. On Oct 5th M&D reviewed the tests with the oncologist at the new ACH – they were impressed with the results and the hospital :o) Here are the results and all of the answers to the many questions that D put to the doctor: Q is officially in remission; there is a 20% chance of recurrence within the next 2 years; when :o) Q makes it 2 years without recurrence his ‘status’ changes from remission to cancer survivor; extensive tests will take place every 3 months to see if there are any signs of cancer and to check for latent adverse effects of the chemo; clean check-ups along the way do not decrease the chance of recurrence at subsequent tests; should the cancer return it would mean that some cells were immune to the treatment and a more aggressive regiment of chemo will be required. There you have it … everything M&D know about next steps. Unfortunately due to the ACH move, surgeries are backed up extensively, so Q’s surgery to remove his broviac isn’t until Nov 20th (bloody ridiculous is D’s new favorite expression :o)) Q seems more tired than normal, grumpy and a touch wobbly over the past week – it’s kind of weird but likely just late effects of chemo. It will take a number of months for his reflexed to return as well. On a more fun note, the last couple of weeks have been action packed. Q&A had the opportunity to paint with Calgary artist Wendy Palmer at Jamie’s pre-school. The artwork was then framed and displayed at an art show downtown at Petro-Canada center, where the kids got the opportunity to paint, with Wendy’s guidance, on an even larger canvas in front of the downtown lunch crowd. M&D were glowing with pride (D called everyone he could think of from his office to come and see :o)). I think their hearts grew bigger and both shed tears – wimps.

The Laudersmith clan have been asked to be the feature family for the KCCFA awareness and fundraising campaign. M&D were interviewed 2-3 weeks back and they ‘proofed’ the campaign flyers last week. Some great pictures of Q and a great opportunity to help the KCCFA in a small way for what they’ve meant to the whole family over the past 8 months.

On the Thanksgiving weekend the whole family went to Camp Horizon for the KCCFA Thanksgiving Family camp. What a blast everyone had, 23 families participating in everything from a scavenger hunt to arts & crafts and crazy dining antics (Dad had to stand up and sing a song in front of 100+ because he got caught with his elbows on the table – wiener. Then he got busted for something else and had to skip around the lodge clapping. Dad’s a trooper, but clearly needs to work on his table manners :o)). M&D did a hypnosis stage show for the teens and adults on the Saturday night – it was great fun. Thanksgiving provided us with another opportunity to think about how fortunate we are to have each other, to have renewed health, to have friends and family that have helped us through the past 7+ months with their love, their support, their prayers and their smiles – we’re thankful for the many ways you’ve touches our lives.

The “Karma House” clubhouse is almost complete!! It looks like a 2nd house in the backyard (10’ x 14’, fully winterized, with loft, webcam, benches, and a futon). M&D just found out that a fibreglass rock wall has been donated for it. M&D have convinced the boys that it’s a shed (with a loft). They’re planning to have a “ribbon cutting” opening either the last weekend of October or the first weekend of November. It will be a “ Happy 3rd Birthday, Awesome Remission, clubhouse opening” party. Invites will likely go out by next weekend … stay tuned! D has promised to change the pictures by the end of next weekend once he’s back from his business trips. Well, there you have it, a rather lengthy entry … sorry about that. We're sure hoping to get to see you at the ribbon cutting when M&D get to tell Q&A that the little house in the backyard is all theirs, a reminder of great friendship, the power of prayer, phenomenal selflessness, good karma, endurance and strength. Pictures by next week-end !

Monday Nov. 13th – What a crazy, emotional, brilliantly awesome month it has been since I updated the site. Hallowe'en, a birthday party, and a crazy open house.On November 4th, in front of about 100 people, Q&A officially celebrated the arrival of remission, and Q's 3rd birthday, by cutting 2 ribbons to open their clubhouse. Prior to the celebration the "Make a Wish" team came by and 'piratized' both Q&A with a whole bunch of pirate and clubhouse gifts, from a pirate outfit and pirate potato head (Dad's favourite) to chairs and a table for the clubhouse.The clubhouse is, well ... incredible. Designed and built by the two owners of LeeDavid Landscaping in Calgary, the clubhouse is truly outstanding. Neil Zeller, one of the owners of LeeDavid, unveiled a granite sign at the entrance that announces the clubhouse - 'Q&A Karma Kottage, Est. Oct 2006'. Inside "Karma Kottage" is an amazing picture/mural painted by Dave's wife (Colleen) that shows rockets, the calgary tower and the 'Make a Wish' foundation star - we couldn't have imagined the picture to be more perfect than it is. The curtains in the clubhouse were made by a previous Make a Wish parent, they're brightly coloured curtains covered in planets and stars. The 'kottage' opening was prefaced by a few (as if :o)) words from Dad, who along with Mom, had a hard time 'keeping it together". The clubhouse stands as a reminder of the healing power of friends, good karma and prayer. A telling moment for Dad was when he was in the clubhouse and his godson, who is 14 turned and said to him, "Uncle Al - This is cool". It was then that Dad realized that Q&A will spend the next 10 years in and out of the clubhouse, creating stories, sharing secrets, laughing, crying, embellishing, studying and chilling out. "Karma Kottage" is officially open.The Laudersmith family will forever be indebted to our friends that have helped us through this and taught us the value of friendship and the power of people coming together, to the Make a Wish Foundation and LeeDavid Landscaping who are the epitome of selfless and are silent heroes that have left a mark that speaks louder than anything we could say.

Q is doing really well, his red mop of hair has come back in it's full glory, his eyes are bright, his walk is steady and his pee ... well, still smells of chemicals, but hey, 3 out of 4 is still pretty awesome !! :o) There are days that he seems a little pale ... but so is Dad. Most days Q's tired by 6:30 ... but so is Aidan. Q's appetite is hit and miss ... but so is Mom's. Basically ... he's fitting right in with the rest of us oddballs ;o) A week from today Q's broviac will come out, Dad's breathing will return to normal and shares in Costco will go down as the Laudersmiths stop purchasing large quantities of saran wrap. Q will have his first bath, in 8 months, without having to be wrapped up like a sausage. :o) Dad too ..... (just kidding of course) :o)

Mon Dec.4th - It's been 2 weeks since Q has had his broviac removed and he is doing extremely well. The week post surgery had some challenges in that Q caught a fungal infection at the location where the broviac was removed. A trip to the hospital and a weeks worth of patience got him through that. The location has healed very well, every so often when D gets the chance he touches it and smiles, it's amazing how quickly things can change. Q is truly in remission. A week and a half ago Q had the first bath in 8 plus months that didn't require him to be wrapped up like a sausage :o) When he was getting into the tub he shouted out 'no, wait' to M ' you I need to be wrapped up and we cover my brovi". 'No hon', said Mom, 'look you have no broviac :o)'. For an additional week Q would ask if it was his time for a dressing change ... it's amazing what you can get used to :o) And now ... the whole family will get use to a new, preferred level of normalcy. Q's next milestone is next week, Dec 14th, it's already been 3 months since his last chemo treatment ... 3 months !! Incredible. He'll go through the normal gamut of tests that will come back and let us know he's progressing well. Christmas this year will be a special one and 3 weeks from now we'll close out this weird, wonderful, and hellish year, giving way to a clean slate of time that will present it's own magic, it's own challenges and it's own phenomenal discoveries. What it will have in common with this year is that the boys will continue to be the heart of this family; the main source of the laughter, the wonderment, the lessons in love :o) How is it that beings so small, can be so powerful, so smart and so strong in so many ways. The lessons continue ...

 

At this point I will update the site once a quarter simply to share the good news of great check-ups with everyone. Karen, Aidan, Quinn and I wish you all an outstanding 2007, full of love, great health and the most wonderful of surprises :o)  Be well ...

 

 

Pictures from the Laudersmith camping trip can be found here: http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8AYs2bJyzcOGFP

Pictures from Quinns Radiation Journey can be found by clicking here : http://quinner.shutterfly.com and selecting "View Pictures", then "View as a slideshow" .

_____________________________________________________________________________

Life Lessons from a 2 ½ Year Old - A Growing List

1. My children and my wife are my heroes

2. Every day counts & every smile sends a message.

3. Emotions can’t always be controlled

4. Real Men DO cry sometimes - it's the crying that makes them real.

5. Just when you think you can’t … you can (especially when your family is involved)

6. Cancer doesn’t discriminate

7. Parenthood is not a job, nor a right, but a gift

8. Bald really is beautiful :o)

9. Lightning CAN strike the same place twice

10. No matter what your words say, Friends will see it in your face and then feel it in their heart

11. "Important" is a relative term and “Relative” is an important one

12. Volunteers make the world go 'round - time is a gift worth giving.

13. Don't worry about what you can't do - Focus on what you can.

14. Heroes don't always have a face - Give blood regularly - you never know who will need it

15. Children's Hospitals are great retirement homes for your toys - a second, more meaningful life awaits them

16. Our friends cook better than we ever have

17. End your day by asking yourself 'How' you've made a difference.

18. Writing CAN be therapeutic, if the subject is something/someone you're passionate about

19. Acting 'like a child' can be extremely liberating

20. Adults invented the term 'too silly’, kids are too smart to pass judgement or care.

21. Ask your kids their 'advice' on things, you'll be amazed at what you hear

22. 'Family' and 'Friendship' aren't mutually exclusive terms.

23. ‘Fresh air’ is nature's way of reminding us that ‘there’s a plan’

24. Look for what you need to see and it will always present itself.

25. There must be a stronger word than ‘Love’ – this feeling eclipses everything I’ve ever done or felt before.

26. Don’t give others the power to affect YOUR attitude/mood – it’s one of the few things you truly own ( the ‘I’m the boss of Me !’ principle).

27. The best ‘I’m Sorry’ never has a ‘but’ attached (most kids know this, few adults do)

28. Everybody’s got a story…how often do you inquire? Within each story lies an opportunity for you to congratulate or help and always to learn ... something.

29. Our children are our legacy – every day provides an opportunity to influence what we want that legacy to say about who we were.

30. Perspective can change the direction of a day

31. Trust your instincts, it's your heart and your brain working together to send you a message.

32.“Parenting” is the most important certification I’ll ever have – re-certification exams are held daily ... I've failed more than a few but continue to study :o)

33. The difference between an ‘excellent mistake” and a foolish one is in the 'lesson learned'.

34. The difference between 'being' and ‘living' is that the one requires Purpose,Passion & Participation

35. Share compliments freely & sincerely - they have the power to enable and cost you little.

36. Find fortune in your misfortune & Dance in the Rain

37. If you look hard enough there is always something good to see and when you think you've found it ... look again ...

38. Give yourself the gift of someone elses perspective - it's a compass that will help you navigate during difficult times

39. Each child is a miracle, each encounter with them a blessing

40. Allow yourself to be ‘wrong’ in front of your kids, it shows them that you're human.

41. "Music" is medicine for the soul, the heart and the body

42. Every child that comes into the world is a sign that God is not tired of us yet (Father Stefano Penna)

43. "Pay Yourself First" every day.Treat yourself to reflection, exercise or simply quiet time. By doing so you build a peaceful reserve that will serve you daily (without you even knowing it.)

44. If you don't know what you stand for perhaps you're not standing ... which makes moving forward very difficult.

45. 'Dad' has become one of my favourite words

46. Medicine is NOT an exact science.

47. 'Normal' becomes whatever we're willing to accept without question

48. Everything and everyone has a purpose that is good/great. Even the most destructive powers (like radiation), when harnessed correctly, can deliver incredible results realizing its true purpose of good

49. Complacency is a silent disease that slowly erodes the human spirit and the will to make a difference

50. Focus on where you want to be instead of where you're at, by doing this the path becomes intuitive and the destination is always clearly in view (success is much closer than it appears :o)))

51. Notice 'the now' and celebrate 'the simple'

52. Be open to being amazed ... every day.

53. There is no greater peace than that which is gained in watching your child in slumber

54. The first step to 'doing' .... is 'seeing' - If you can see it then it can be done

55. Ask in earnest and pureness of heart, and it will happen.

56. From simple truths lives can change, courses altered, foundation built.

57. From a single seed a garden can spring.

58. Words are given power by intention - use yours to create, to change, to inspire ...

59. Each minute holds with it an opportunity to define who our children's parents will be :o)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Feel free to contact us if you have any questions, insights, your own lessons that you'd like to share. To each and everyone of you that has as much as smiled in the direction of this family ... know that you have helped and we count ourselves blessed to call you friend. Thank-You
Contact Us